Today is my due date. I have 50 minutes left, and then I'm officially 'overdue'...though I have felt 'overdue' for quite awhile now...honestly, I do not remember feeling sooo many of the things I've felt in this pregnancy with Jonah. Back in August, I remember feeling anxious to get this baby OUT!! What on earth?! We are literally days away now, and I still am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that there is going to be another child in this family...I will be nursing a newborn any day now...still very surreal to me. I can't wait to meet this baby!! I feel so uncertain with the unknown arrival of this baby so close to Christmas, not knowing if I'll even be AT my family's Christmas dinner, whether or not I will be with Jonah, opening presents on Christmas Day, whether I will be at my church's Christmas Eve service (I love Christmas Eve services!), eating yummy food and playing games after up at my Mom and Dad's...so many things that are such 'tradition'...I don't know if I will be participating in them this year.
But then I am reminded of what a true, true miracle it is that I am having another child...and I'm quite certain that once this babe arrives, and I am holding him/her in my arms...all the other stuff...just won't quite matter the same way I think it does right now. Its just one year. And a little life that is soon to make his/her presence known...at the already most wonderful time of the year...what a gift!!
So...I am trying -- really trying...to not be so anxious...and to ENJOY this...there's nothing I can do to MAKE this baby come out...and I want the timing to be right and not rush things.
So. Due date. Whatever. Jonah came on his due date, but...I guess this babe has other plans.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
White Trash
...not a very nice name, but...a delicious little treat that seriously took me less than 3 minutes to make:
Melt about 2 cups of white chocolate in the microwave for about 1 and 1/2 minutes at 50%, stirring after 45 seconds.
Pour it over about 1 cup of peanuts, 1 cup of dried cranberries, and 2 cups of Golden Grahams cereal. Stir, and spread onto parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Voila. Done. Put in the fridge to harden it up. Oh my goodness. Yum.
Melt about 2 cups of white chocolate in the microwave for about 1 and 1/2 minutes at 50%, stirring after 45 seconds.
Pour it over about 1 cup of peanuts, 1 cup of dried cranberries, and 2 cups of Golden Grahams cereal. Stir, and spread onto parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Voila. Done. Put in the fridge to harden it up. Oh my goodness. Yum.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
My boy
I have a few (hopefully only a few!) days left of Jonah being my only child. This kid is so much like me sometimes, its infuriating. Jason laughs at the stories I tell him when he gets home from work, the things Jonah does that drive me crazy, the bouts of frustration Jonah has and the words and grunts he makes that are just like ME...and its true...which is why when we're 'fighting' we really get on each others' nerves...and why, we just need to get it OUT!! then we're fine a minute (or 5!) later...just let us vent, let us cry, let us be angry and get our words and grunts out...we'll be fine in a minute!!
But this kid...his heart is so sensitive and so sweet and kind and observant about the world around him...his concern for others, his memory for things that people do, and places we've been, and things that make others happy, or sad...are amongst the things that baffle me, and amaze me that at such a young age, his heart could be so sensitive and eager to bring joy to others.
Lastnight we went to Jay's staff party. He drives for a non-profit organization that is a transit system mostly for people in wheelchairs. There is a lady, Anne, that Jason drives, who we have spent some time with, especially since having Jonah -- she adores him!! She is a little scary looking, truth be told, very deformed, and has never had children of her own, and isn't always appropriate or gentle in how she talks or behaves with him. but the more we see her, the easier it is, and the more comfortable Jonah is with her. He sat on her lap for the majority of the evening lastnight and they were 'riding' around the building, hootin' and hollarin' like...children!! I am pleased he is 'exposed' to people like Anne, and that he has already developed a comfortable-ness that alot of people don't have, simply because they aren't around people with disabilities. I grew up with so many people with such a variety of disabilities, Mom reminded me today when I was talking to her about Jonah lastnight, that one of us once asked her: "do we have ANY family members who are 'normal'?"...but, its a gift, I think...and one I am grateful that my kid already is able to have.
I don't often have to wonder what is going on in Jonah's head -- he is very verbal, and has an ability to communicate his thoughts very well. Too well sometimes, I am 'shushing' him when he is asking why Anne is always in her wheelchair, and why the man with the patch on his eye is dressed like a pirate...
But, lastnight when I was laying beside him putting him to bed, he asked if Jesus was a girl or a boy. We've had this conversation before. So...I try to explain again Who He is...but that He is not a girl.
So Jonah says "But we sing 'He's Beautiful'...I didn't know boys were beautiful. Only girls are beautiful. So Jesus must be a girl." (Phil Whickham song, if you're wondering what song I'm talking about.) Good point, Jonah -- its always felt a little funny singing that song, truth be told.
Tonight in his prayer, he prays "Thank You God for my bed. Thank you for my house. Thank you that you came and lived in a barn, because You didn't have a house. thank You that You did that because You love us...." (and then he listed off a whole bunch of other things he thanked God for.) I love it. I love hearing this kid's heart. I love being his mom, and though he drives me crazier at times than anyone in the world...he is just such a huge part of who I even am...I feel like he has made me be who I was meant to be...like before I became a Mom, I was just waiting to be me.
I can't believe I will soon be a Mama to another child besides Jonah. this body is so eager to get this baby OUT...but my heart is still a little hesitant. but excited, too, to see who this baby is, and how my life will be changed again, by this little life God has entrusted to me.
This long post is more for my benefit than yours...when i wanna write these days, it is usually in the form of a blog entry, because...I can't get my journal and pen comfortable enough on this huge belly of mine.
So, I will savour this time I have of being a Mama of one...for however long its true...life as we know it is on the brink of a huge change.
But this kid...his heart is so sensitive and so sweet and kind and observant about the world around him...his concern for others, his memory for things that people do, and places we've been, and things that make others happy, or sad...are amongst the things that baffle me, and amaze me that at such a young age, his heart could be so sensitive and eager to bring joy to others.
Lastnight we went to Jay's staff party. He drives for a non-profit organization that is a transit system mostly for people in wheelchairs. There is a lady, Anne, that Jason drives, who we have spent some time with, especially since having Jonah -- she adores him!! She is a little scary looking, truth be told, very deformed, and has never had children of her own, and isn't always appropriate or gentle in how she talks or behaves with him. but the more we see her, the easier it is, and the more comfortable Jonah is with her. He sat on her lap for the majority of the evening lastnight and they were 'riding' around the building, hootin' and hollarin' like...children!! I am pleased he is 'exposed' to people like Anne, and that he has already developed a comfortable-ness that alot of people don't have, simply because they aren't around people with disabilities. I grew up with so many people with such a variety of disabilities, Mom reminded me today when I was talking to her about Jonah lastnight, that one of us once asked her: "do we have ANY family members who are 'normal'?"...but, its a gift, I think...and one I am grateful that my kid already is able to have.
I don't often have to wonder what is going on in Jonah's head -- he is very verbal, and has an ability to communicate his thoughts very well. Too well sometimes, I am 'shushing' him when he is asking why Anne is always in her wheelchair, and why the man with the patch on his eye is dressed like a pirate...
But, lastnight when I was laying beside him putting him to bed, he asked if Jesus was a girl or a boy. We've had this conversation before. So...I try to explain again Who He is...but that He is not a girl.
So Jonah says "But we sing 'He's Beautiful'...I didn't know boys were beautiful. Only girls are beautiful. So Jesus must be a girl." (Phil Whickham song, if you're wondering what song I'm talking about.) Good point, Jonah -- its always felt a little funny singing that song, truth be told.
Tonight in his prayer, he prays "Thank You God for my bed. Thank you for my house. Thank you that you came and lived in a barn, because You didn't have a house. thank You that You did that because You love us...." (and then he listed off a whole bunch of other things he thanked God for.) I love it. I love hearing this kid's heart. I love being his mom, and though he drives me crazier at times than anyone in the world...he is just such a huge part of who I even am...I feel like he has made me be who I was meant to be...like before I became a Mom, I was just waiting to be me.
I can't believe I will soon be a Mama to another child besides Jonah. this body is so eager to get this baby OUT...but my heart is still a little hesitant. but excited, too, to see who this baby is, and how my life will be changed again, by this little life God has entrusted to me.
This long post is more for my benefit than yours...when i wanna write these days, it is usually in the form of a blog entry, because...I can't get my journal and pen comfortable enough on this huge belly of mine.
So, I will savour this time I have of being a Mama of one...for however long its true...life as we know it is on the brink of a huge change.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
38 Weeks
Another ultrasound, another appointment...still no baby. My doctor does say that they don't like to have people who have infertility to go too much past their due dates, so...I'm praying -- PRAYING!! -- that I will go into labour on my own, and be able to have a vaginal birth. If you think of it, I would love it if you'd pray for that too.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
no peeks...
Had my ultrasound yesterday -- at 37 weeks...no peeks to find out the gender...though we both now sorta have a feeling its a girl...for no particular reason. we'll see if Jonah's been right all along.
And everything looks great -- she says she can't tell how big the baby is, unfortunately. I don't believe her, but...again -- I seem to be quite skeptical of our health professionals these days. Not a good thing when one is on the brink of labour. Not the 'brink', don't worry....but...it is coming!! Hopefully soon-ish. But not too soon.
Anyways. I'm quite excited to meet this babe...
And everything looks great -- she says she can't tell how big the baby is, unfortunately. I don't believe her, but...again -- I seem to be quite skeptical of our health professionals these days. Not a good thing when one is on the brink of labour. Not the 'brink', don't worry....but...it is coming!! Hopefully soon-ish. But not too soon.
Anyways. I'm quite excited to meet this babe...
Monday, November 28, 2011
The last few days...
...Jay took 2 days off to have a 4-day weekend so we could celebrate Thanksgiving...and it was so nice to not have TOO much on our agenda...besides being together, eating, decorating....fun stuff, ya know?! We had a wonderful Thanksgiving - and even though its not a 'holiday' here...it sure felt like one in the Paulino home! We had my family down for a HUGE delicious feast -- lazed around (as much as you can 'laze' around while you're preparing a huge meal!), watching the Macy's Day Parade...then did some Christmas decorating...and finished the evening with Erin, watching Miracle on 34th Street (the old one!) -- it was a lovely day!
We shopped a bit on Friday (and were VERY thankful it wasn't technically Black Friday here...though some stores were trying to be...) - busy enough for me and this preggo body...I can walk around for about 10 minutes and then I'm pretty well done-for. Oh my word. I hope I don't feel like this for the rest of my life. Side note. Sorry to complain.
We were supposed to go out with a bunch of friends for an Ugly Sweater party on Friday night, but...by 7:15, Jonah was pooped, and...so was I...so - me and Jay stayed home and watched Water for Elephants. Not bad.
Saturday night was our town's Santa Claus Parade...which is adorable. Even though it was freezing. And most of the snow we got on Wednesday was gone...but -- it was still sweet, and Jonah loved it. He missed his nap in the afternoon, 'cause he was so excited about the parade and hanging out with the family in the afternoon (Uncle Mike was home for the weekend!) - he fell asleep on the way home from the parade at 6:30...and woke up moments before we had him all changed and ready for bed, to remind me that I had told him he could have cereal before bed. Little monkey. But we had lots of time at the end of the day to hang out with the sibling, playing games, eating, and watching comedy TV! - our favorite things!
Anyways. We are already in the holiday spirit -- even Jay has INITIATED at least twice in the last few days to play Settlers....we've been playing games, and eating yummy food, and hanging out with the siblings...and enjoying our Christmas music...and are anticipating the arrival of this babe who is causing me such physical anxiety...
I am having ultrasounds the next few weeks at my Doctor's referral - as she thinks my belly is 'quite large' and wants to be sure everything is fine. I think its code for: "we want a reason for you to have a c-section because that is what you've made quite clear you don't want to have, but we are the doctors and we don't want it to interfere with OUR holiday plans." But. whatever. we shall see.
I still feel so unprepared and surreal about having a newborn in my life. But...getting very excited, too. I hope I can do this. Oh my word. My patience level is...very low these days, it seems. I hope I can be a good mother to two little ones.
Jonah is sooo great 95% of the time. Honestly - I'm not even just saying that. But the other 5% of the time...he drives me CRAZY. He is like me when I'm upset - gets very upset and flies off the handle...and is sensitive and apologetic about 5 minutes later, after he's gotten 'it out.' Fine. Just frustrating when I don't have the physical energy anymore to deal with it. But...he's so sweet, too. Always telling me lately that I'm his best friend, and I'm beautiful and he loves me. He's quite a little charmer. Its hard to imagine having another little one that I will love like I love this little boy. But I know I will. And he's so excited to have this baby...it will be so cool to see him with him/her...
Anyways. this entry is not to be poetic or interesting for you...I'm aware that's not my forte these days...but...its a means of recording my thoughts...and not having to search around for a journal and a pen...I don't have a comfortable enough spot to write...my belly is way to large at this point.
I have my ultrasound tomorrow morning - I'm anxious to see this babe...and though slightly tempted to 'peek' at the gender...I want it to remain a surprise. Only a few more weeks to go now!
Our first 'real' snowfall: Jonah was VERY excited to finally make snow angels!
Quite a fan of licking the beaters of the whip cream:
And our 3rd annual Santa Claus Parade adventure with Erin:
We shopped a bit on Friday (and were VERY thankful it wasn't technically Black Friday here...though some stores were trying to be...) - busy enough for me and this preggo body...I can walk around for about 10 minutes and then I'm pretty well done-for. Oh my word. I hope I don't feel like this for the rest of my life. Side note. Sorry to complain.
We were supposed to go out with a bunch of friends for an Ugly Sweater party on Friday night, but...by 7:15, Jonah was pooped, and...so was I...so - me and Jay stayed home and watched Water for Elephants. Not bad.
Saturday night was our town's Santa Claus Parade...which is adorable. Even though it was freezing. And most of the snow we got on Wednesday was gone...but -- it was still sweet, and Jonah loved it. He missed his nap in the afternoon, 'cause he was so excited about the parade and hanging out with the family in the afternoon (Uncle Mike was home for the weekend!) - he fell asleep on the way home from the parade at 6:30...and woke up moments before we had him all changed and ready for bed, to remind me that I had told him he could have cereal before bed. Little monkey. But we had lots of time at the end of the day to hang out with the sibling, playing games, eating, and watching comedy TV! - our favorite things!
Anyways. We are already in the holiday spirit -- even Jay has INITIATED at least twice in the last few days to play Settlers....we've been playing games, and eating yummy food, and hanging out with the siblings...and enjoying our Christmas music...and are anticipating the arrival of this babe who is causing me such physical anxiety...
I am having ultrasounds the next few weeks at my Doctor's referral - as she thinks my belly is 'quite large' and wants to be sure everything is fine. I think its code for: "we want a reason for you to have a c-section because that is what you've made quite clear you don't want to have, but we are the doctors and we don't want it to interfere with OUR holiday plans." But. whatever. we shall see.
I still feel so unprepared and surreal about having a newborn in my life. But...getting very excited, too. I hope I can do this. Oh my word. My patience level is...very low these days, it seems. I hope I can be a good mother to two little ones.
Jonah is sooo great 95% of the time. Honestly - I'm not even just saying that. But the other 5% of the time...he drives me CRAZY. He is like me when I'm upset - gets very upset and flies off the handle...and is sensitive and apologetic about 5 minutes later, after he's gotten 'it out.' Fine. Just frustrating when I don't have the physical energy anymore to deal with it. But...he's so sweet, too. Always telling me lately that I'm his best friend, and I'm beautiful and he loves me. He's quite a little charmer. Its hard to imagine having another little one that I will love like I love this little boy. But I know I will. And he's so excited to have this baby...it will be so cool to see him with him/her...
Anyways. this entry is not to be poetic or interesting for you...I'm aware that's not my forte these days...but...its a means of recording my thoughts...and not having to search around for a journal and a pen...I don't have a comfortable enough spot to write...my belly is way to large at this point.
I have my ultrasound tomorrow morning - I'm anxious to see this babe...and though slightly tempted to 'peek' at the gender...I want it to remain a surprise. Only a few more weeks to go now!
Our first 'real' snowfall: Jonah was VERY excited to finally make snow angels!
Quite a fan of licking the beaters of the whip cream:
And our 3rd annual Santa Claus Parade adventure with Erin:
Thursday, November 17, 2011
I feel...
...very, very uncomfortable. so much pressure and so very heavy. and I'm soooo tired of wearing the exact same pair of pants...every. single. day. I hate bending over, but yet I seem to be dropping everything lately. I feel the imminence of this baby, and the knowledge of how hugely different my life is about to become, but...all i can seem to do is THINK about it...I don't seem to be DOING much of anything to actually 'get ready' for this baby to arrive. except for growing this babe. I'm nervous about the sleep-deprivation, I'm nervous to not just have my one little boy all to myself anymore...I'm nervous about WHERE this baby will sleep and where we will store all of his/her things...and how we will work buying diapers into our budget again...and how we will afford our bills with my income being depleted. Yet...
...I'm reminded that in my anxiousness and discomfort and blah-ness...I can't wait to meet this baby...and I am realizing more and more as the days draw nearer to actually meeting this baby...what a tremendous gift this is...and how short of a time ago it was when I wondered if I would ever birth another child, whether Jonah would have any siblings, whether I would nurse another baby, if, indeed, God would listen and grant me the pleadings of my heart and soul...to have more children. What a gift. I pray for this child every day, as well as the one who is sleeping upstairs...and, though I'm not always aware...I have moments of acute awareness of how incredibly blessed I am...that I get to be a Mom. That I am living out the dream I have had since I was a little girl. I sometimes feel 'less-than' when people talk about dreams and hopes and aspirations that have something to do with success and education and prospering...because, really...my deepest heart's desire is to be a wife and mother...and the fact that I GET to do that...blows this little mind of mine sometimes. I wouldn't trade it for a lucrative job, for long hours working in an office, seeing my bank account grow...its absolutely not worth it to me. I laugh a little when people insinuate that it 'must be nice' to be able to afford for me to stay home...if they had any idea the cost...but...everything costs something, doesn't it?! We just have to weigh what is worth it...and the COST is most definetely worth it for me to be home, raising my own children. I am grateful I can do this. I am grateful my hubby has a job that he enjoys, though also not lucrative...he is making a difference in people's lives, and bringing joy to people who often are ignored or forgotten. I am grateful we have food on the table every single day...and grateful for a marriage that is still one based on love and friendship and faithfulness. I am grateful I have family and friends, near and far, who love me...that is a gift I hope I do not take for granted...
so...my body is weary. But my heart is happy. Right now, I am just reminded that I am blessed beyond my dreams, carrying my second baby in my humungous belly...and just weeks away from holding a newborn in my arms.
I feel happy.
...I'm reminded that in my anxiousness and discomfort and blah-ness...I can't wait to meet this baby...and I am realizing more and more as the days draw nearer to actually meeting this baby...what a tremendous gift this is...and how short of a time ago it was when I wondered if I would ever birth another child, whether Jonah would have any siblings, whether I would nurse another baby, if, indeed, God would listen and grant me the pleadings of my heart and soul...to have more children. What a gift. I pray for this child every day, as well as the one who is sleeping upstairs...and, though I'm not always aware...I have moments of acute awareness of how incredibly blessed I am...that I get to be a Mom. That I am living out the dream I have had since I was a little girl. I sometimes feel 'less-than' when people talk about dreams and hopes and aspirations that have something to do with success and education and prospering...because, really...my deepest heart's desire is to be a wife and mother...and the fact that I GET to do that...blows this little mind of mine sometimes. I wouldn't trade it for a lucrative job, for long hours working in an office, seeing my bank account grow...its absolutely not worth it to me. I laugh a little when people insinuate that it 'must be nice' to be able to afford for me to stay home...if they had any idea the cost...but...everything costs something, doesn't it?! We just have to weigh what is worth it...and the COST is most definetely worth it for me to be home, raising my own children. I am grateful I can do this. I am grateful my hubby has a job that he enjoys, though also not lucrative...he is making a difference in people's lives, and bringing joy to people who often are ignored or forgotten. I am grateful we have food on the table every single day...and grateful for a marriage that is still one based on love and friendship and faithfulness. I am grateful I have family and friends, near and far, who love me...that is a gift I hope I do not take for granted...
so...my body is weary. But my heart is happy. Right now, I am just reminded that I am blessed beyond my dreams, carrying my second baby in my humungous belly...and just weeks away from holding a newborn in my arms.
I feel happy.
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