Today

Today I am thankful for:

• My husband. I have to say it. He really is the best. I certainly do not always show him, or even realize how truly blessed I am to have him, but - hearing stories of not-so-wonderful husbands reminds me of how truly wonderful mine is. I love him.
• My little boy. He continues to bring more and more joy (and sometimes frustration!) to my life. I love watching him learn new things every day. He's hilarious, and brings so much laughter and happiness to our home!
• My friends. I become increasingly aware of what a treasure a TRUE friend is...I am not as 'popular' as I once thought I was, but...I think the friends I have surpass the friends any others could be blessed with. I am not kidding. I think you know who you are. And if you don't...shame on me.
• My little home. Its perfect for us. Not too big or elaborate...just cozy and homey - and I LOVE my red kitchen. and most days...I tolerate the horrid wallpaper that covers most of the rest of my walls. I dream of how they will become 'un-wallpapered', but...for now...I convince myself its fine.
• Being home. What I mean is...I'm thankful I only have to work 8 hours a week out of my home. Its funny, the days I work...I am itching to get back home. I've become quite accustomed to running my own schedule. I'm happy I can be home and raising my boy. I'm also happy that when I DO work, Jonah gets to be with his "Mammie" or his Daddy...I think he loves having them all to himself sometimes!
• Being close to so many parks. And having beautiful days like TODAY when we can enjoy them in the sunshine! Jonah LOVES the park. Well...he pretty much loves anything he does. I love his love for life! He's so much fun to watch!
• Coffee. Which I am drinking now, at 8:19 at night. But - I don't care, 'cause I have a good couple hours of TV to watch, and...if life is like it usually is, Jonah will be sleeping in in the morning, which means...I will be too. I love THAT. Man, that kid loves to sleep.
• Seeing one of my very dearest friends grow and become a more confident woman...I am sooo so blessed and inspired by my crazy, impulsive, charming, endearing, dramatic, generous, kind, and sweet friend. And I'm not just saying that because she happens to be the only one who knows about this blog. (where are those blasted smiley face emoticons or whatever you call them?!)
• My family. We are dysfunctional. And sometimes annoying and drive each other crazy. And in the worst of times, I wonder why on earth anyone would have such a big family, but...they are among the most precious things in my life. I am who I am because of them.
• TV. Enough of the sap, am I right?! I love TV. Seriously. Probably a little too much. And the nights when my shows aren't on, I curse that blasted tube that gives me free cable and nothing exciting to watch. I think I am a little too invested in these ficticious people. But...whatever...
• Comfy pants. I'm just saying...for real. I need jeans so badly right now, but every day that I put on these comfy black pants, I wonder why on earth I would want to wear anything else. And the answer is...ummmmm...oh, yeah - well...black pants such as I'm wearing, even for a girl like me, who is not stylish even on Sunday...are still a little too sloppy to be worn in public. most days.
• And...I have many other things I'm thankful for, but...referring to bullet point, 2 points back...I have some TV to watch. 'Night.

honesty

I like to think I'm an 'open' person, willing to share my heart and be vulnerable and authentic. But, I am really just learning to be that way...and far from being the type of person I want to be. Who isn't, though?! There is a part of me that is so deeply concerned with the needs of others, that I seem to forget how to reveal my own needs...and really - how is that being authentic?! I seem to present myself sometimes in a way that shows I am a happy, content person who doesn't really struggle with anything. soooo untrue. I may just not always have someone who is demanding my vulnerability and authenticity - and so, I can get away with pretending I'm 'fine'. I've owned up to some things in the past couple weeks, though. I've actually let some people 'in' (whether they wanted in or not!) - and I feel so much better for it. Actually admitting hurt, and actually talking to a handful of trusted friends about it...why don't I do that more?! They didn't seem one bit surprised by how I was feeling. I guess I'm not as deceiving as I thought. I am so grateful for the people in my life who let me be me, and love and accept me just the same.

Funny thing, though: my blog is still not public. For now, I kinda like it that way. I don't seem to mind a bit, delving into the minds of others through their blogs, but...I don't want someone seeing mine. just yet, anyways. that may be another lesson for another day. Today - this is my blog. For my eyes only. And perhaps those of the blog-spot owner's eyes. I'm sure they're thrilled.