thoughts on writing

I've been more hesitant in my writing lately, because there's a few blogs I follow that have huge followings - and I read them, and feel connected to their writings, and then I feel like "what can I possibly write about, when I am not nearly as 'skilled' a writer, and don't know if I connect with anyone like they do...or if I have any 'following' at all for there to be anyone to connect to. Which...really, doesn't actually matter. Because, truth is...I need to write for myself. Not only for therapy and 'remembrance' sake, but...this is all I have I'm writing in lately...I have an easier time typing on this computer these days than picking up my pen and journal and writing in it...so...this is my journaling. Not pouring out my heart, mind you -- but...recording my thoughts...stats on my kids...photos of our days...and 'penning' down things I think about and write out to process and remember. I don't need to try to connect with people. I'm not a writer. Its not who I am or who I strive to be...I am just writing for me.

I was talking to my Mom the other day - about her writing, about my older sister's writing (she has a blog ), and I am not an 'embellisher' like they are...I am more 'factual' in my story-telling, which means I can't take a tiny event like they can, and make a whole 'story' about it. So I say, in this conversation "I am just not interesting enough - I'm not dramatic enough or something...I just can't tell a good story...I'm not a good story teller."

And Jonah, who was in the other room, and apparently eaves-dropping...pipes up with great concern "Mama -- you are...you are a great story-teller. You are."

Be still my heart.

He's my biggest fan. and that's just fine with me. I record my thoughts so I can remember these days with my little boys (so long as blogger continues to exist!) and have written down the thoughts and events of my simple little life...

Today we were at the grocery store - and walked down the cereal aisle. (Jonah's favorite aisle!) He's always asking for the 'little cereals'...which I usually tell him I will get "when they are on sale." And -- today they were on sale, so I obliged his request...and he was delighted!! (the fact that I can bring such joy to my boy for only 3 dollars...and get 8 breakfasts out of it...quite lovely, really!!)  Not a minute later, holding his box of cereals...He looks up with a huge smile and says "Ohhh -- thank You, Jesus! Thank You!"

I love his little heart. And how God uses him in my life daily to remind me of the little joys and the amazements of this life. And how God is the One who gives us everything. You should hear him sing this song:

We sing it together often at our piano...and I get tears in my eyes every single time...hearing this little boy sing that Jesus is everything...well, its quite something, really. My heart is full. (I'm happy to record my thoughts tonight when my heart feels 'full' rather than frustrated. I want to remember this feeling.)