levi's 5th birthday slideshow

 

Easter

It has been over a YEAR since I last blogged. I hardly know where to begin, or even why I'm writing now...except to say, I've missed it...I miss typing, actually - most of my 'plugged in' life has converted over to ipad use, but I miss the clicking of the keys. And I just got my computer fixed the other day...so...here I am.

I kind of re-read my last post...and I have to say, I wonder if there will be a part of my heart that will always feel a little 'jipped' that my heart wanted another baby and my body just wouldn't cooperate. BUT - I'm not writing about that. Not now. I have asked Him so many times over this past year to help me accept that these two boys are IT for us. He is helping me still. I'm grateful for that...the process of infertility is brutal - and one that will always likely be close to my heart and emotions when I hear of others' struggles, as well. But - I do feel grateful to have this gift of these two little boys...

I mean...look at them:

 

 



Jonah is almost 8 - grade 2, and having his best year so far at school. He is with quite a few boys from his grade 1 class - and his best little buddy, Montgomery, is with him, too. He loves his teacher and talks about her often - we're so thankful for her - she's made a big impact on him this year. He is really great at reading, so smart at math - and is still such a sensitive and fun little boy - always up for anything -- always looking for the next fun thing, which is a little bit annoying challenging for his Mama, who doesn't always love committing to the 'next thing' or time constraints...He loves good food, which often doesn't include school lunches - though he does manage to get his teacher to warm up his pizza when I send it in his lunch - he says she only does it for him. He loves to be comfy - doesn't really care what he wears as long as its comfortable - doesn't really love dressing up...He loves swimming, loves watching movies together all cuddled up under blankets together on the couch. He loves his Papa and Mammie, and all his aunts and uncles and cousins...he is one of Malachi's favorite people, and he is so sweet and good to play with him and is quite happy how excited Malachi is to see him...Jonah doesn't care how old people are, he has a love for people that doesn't show much partiality -- I hope he keeps that. He loves music - loves listening to it loudly and singing along.  He started piano lessons in January from Montgomery's mom, and is doing quite well - I think he has a bit of a natural ear for music, we just need to be more diligent at getting him to practise and work hard...a lot of things come easy for Jonah - and if they don't...he can tend to move on to something that does...he's smart, and a natural in a lot of areas of life - especially creativity - he's a good artist - has a good imagination, loves to draw, build, play video games...he gets bored fairly easily if he isn't kept busy. He loves listening to Jason and I tell stories of when we were kids, or our Bible school days - loves to be part of our conversations, and loves visiting when we have people over...he doesn't want to miss a thing! He's very social and lovable - still has quite a bit of people-pleaser in him...but also has strong opinions of his own and isn't afraid to share them with us! He is still pretty easy to 'win back over' when he's upset if we call him over for a hug - his love languages are pretty clearly quality time, words of affirmation...and physical touch -- it doesn't take much to make him feel special - we try to be intentional about one-on-one time with him - and when we do, it makes a big difference in how he interacts with all of us, and his level of peace and happiness...he's an awesome kid. He loves when we tell stories about him, or tell people about what we think of him - he occasionally is shy about it, but mostly loves us to recognize things about him...He is easy to love - seems to make friends easily and can carry on a conversation with people of any age. He is a lot like me and we tend to butt heads when we are at odds with each other - I worry that I am too hard on him sometimes, and that I expect too much...he hates to disappoint and I hate to be the cause of any of his disappointments, which I know I am sometimes...he's very good at communicating his feelings, both of happiness and disappointment...I hope we always have a close relationship...I'm so thankful for him...he still calls me Mama and I hope that never stops.

 

Levi is four and FULL of personality - he is not a charmer, necessarily - in that he isn't trying to 'win you over' - he's authentic...if he's being sweet to you...its because he likes you, not because he's trying to get you to like him...he seems to be strong willed - but maybe its just that he's sure of what he wants and what he thinks...and when it goes against what his Mama thinks or feels...we are most definitely both fighting for our wills!! He can go from zero to sixty in 1/100th of a second...if he isn't happy -- we know it. No pretending or hiding with this guy. He's also the most sensitive and sweet of us all - constantly snuggling us and telling us he loves us - very quick to apologize when he's upset us or done something he shouldn't have...he has a bit of a sneaky side sometimes, if he's away from us - but usually it ends up coming out before the day is done...i'm not sure he has Jesus in his heart yet, but he often talks about how he doesn't know why he does things he shouldn't, and that he doesn't want to, and that he needs God to help him. (my heart...oh my soul.) He loves to sing and dance - its like he can't help it - he often begs us to let him get up from the table when we're eating 'cause he just needs to dance. I'm trying to not be so controlling. Ha. He gives me a run for my money where control is concerned...he's not always obliging to do things he doesn't want to do...like sit still, stay in bed, or eat more than three bites of his meal...we haven't totally figured out the best way to discipline him - sticker charts sometimes work...and sometimes don't...time outs...don't usually work...spanking certainly causes him a great deal of grief in the moment - his heart breaks, for sure...but it doesn't necessarily teach him to obey the next time...even if its two minutes later. Getting to his heart...like most people...is where we see he will start to change. I'm grateful for his sensitive heart...when he is desiring to please God...I think his persistent heart will be a huge asset to his personality. He loves his family - he's the happiest when we are all together...(though I think he actually quite likes having me all to himself, too!) - he is quick to share, and doesn't seem to have any jealousy...he's a busy, active, verrrrry energetic little boy - he makes us laugh all the time -- his sense of humor seems more advanced than I would think of for a four year old - he genuinely makes us laugh so hard every day. He loves playing with Jonah and seems to have very similar interests - lego, drawing, video games, music -- he's always asking us to turn it up loud! He loves to be read to, loves playing games and playing outside...He's very smart - can count to 20 or more, dresses himself every day (he's quite opinionated, so its best to just let him pick out his own clothes!), knows all the things he should know to start kindergarten this Fall...but we are going to keep him home another year...His strongest love language would definitely be physical affection - and as I think about it...maybe gifts...he is so grateful when gets gifts - very appreciative and eager to share...as soon as he gets in trouble, he needs to be snuggled - he often needs to just be snuggled during mealtimes - he has a hard time finishing most meals...and if he can just get that snuggle in half-way through, it seems to help. Levi is so cute - gets attention almost everywhere he goes...but he doesn't milk it or strive for it - he just seems genuine - which can be frustrating when I WANT him to care what people think...like when he wants to freak out in the grocery store or at a family meal or at a restaurant...but...I also envy that quality a bit...being a people-pleaser, myself...I have always envied the people who just do or say what they want...its something that gets easier for me with my age and level of impatience and intolerance. (ha!)...Levi is such an amazing kid - so fun and adorable and hilarious - I love being his "Mom" as he seems to call me...one of our friends last week referred to Levi as being 'cool'...and he is that, indeed.

 

I am increasingly aware of my need of Jesus on a daily basis...as I am about to enter my last year in my thirties...and very keenly aware that life doesn't always pan out as you expect...I realize how intentional I need to be about seeing how blessed I am - counting the gifts...paying attention...I'm grateful that aside from 8 hours a week where I work at the APM Centre, I get to be home, being a wife and mother, and whatever else I decide I want to be: cook, friend, reader, cleaner, daughter, sister, aunt, shopper...but I get distracted often, I get concerned about whether or not I am doing 'all' I 'should be' doing...I want my one life to please Jesus...as I get old and tired, I get selfish sometimes...resentful even of what I have to do for others, or what I think people expect...when I clean, I feel like I should be sitting still - when I read, I feel like I should be playing with Levi  - when I visit a friend, I feel like I should be cooking or paying attention to my kids - when I go out, I feel like I should be home - when I'm home, I feel like I should be doing something, in my community, with my family, friends, connecting with someone...but I know I need to be doing whatever grand or seemingly small thing, every day...that He puts on my heart...and that includes especially, time spent with Him - I know He's always here, always with me...but I get distracted sometimes and don't SEE HIM...don't read His Word that speaks such life and peace into my heart...I have had a word on my heart since January 1st...well, two words, I guess: pay attention. Last year my word was intentional...they're similar...and words that are a challenge for me with a personality that likes to please...I get pulled in lots of directions, even if just in my heart...and I want to pay attention...really pay attention to...Him. to Jesus. The One we think of on Easter Sunday as having RISEN. He is RISEN, INDEED. I love the songs of Easter that remind us of the cross, and what He has done - who He is today, being alive and resurrected...He's here. With me. With you...what a gift.