Trust

...we just finished watching the movie Trust. Oh my word. I seriously have a headache from being so tense through the whole movie. Probably if you have teen-age daughters...or teenagers at all, you should watch this movie. Its not a fun watch, believe me. But a reminder of our job to protect our kids, and to teach them to be discerning, and hopefully to be honest with us. I have an almost-4 year old who shares so many details of his life with us - I hope that he stays that way. And, I also hope there's some way of protecting our kids from the 'lure' of the internet and all things media and electronic. My kid is already so interested in the computer and the i-pod touch...I will have to work really hard to not allow him to be addicted to either, as I'm sure he could be.

Anyways. Its getting late, and my little Levi will be waking up to spend some quality time with his Mama in a little while, so...I better catch some sleep while I can...I just wanted to write a quick blurb about this movie so I don't forget about it...I tend to remember things in my life easier once I've written about them.

Also -- I am loving reading this blog: check it out.

Belly sleeper

...I am a belly sleeper. I have not slept on my belly for probably 8 months now. I haven't really slept great for almost 8 months now, too. Being pregnant doesn't really make belly sleeping very comfortable, and being a breast-feeding mama doesn't really make it very comfortable either. Or dry for that matter. I cannot wait to sleep on my belly again. Or sleep in general, to be honest. But - that's part of the territory, isn't it? Having a newborn?

Oh my word, I miss sleeping for an entire night without interruption.

Anyways. I'll try not to complain too much -- lucky for Jay, he gets the brunt of most of my frustrations and complaints these days.

My point of this entry is this:

Levi has been having an almost-2-hour nap!!!!

Big deal, right? Don't newborns sleep all the time, anyways?

HA!!! Not mine. I don't know what his deal is, but, unless he's in his carseat, and we're out-and-about..., or sleeping on one of us (normally his Dad - I seem to remind him of being a milk machine when I try to get his to sleep on me) -- this kid will not nap for more than...45 minutes at a time, typically.

Incredibly frustrating, to say the least.

And, don't bother giving me suggestions on what to try: I have seriously tried them.

Except for putting him on his belly.

Which I did this morning. On a cozy blanket in the middle of my kitchen floor, to be exact.

And this little guy, who loves to be cuddled to have a good sleep...has been sleeping for 2 hours. Without any human contact.

Its a miracle, really.

My oldest boy and me...

Tonight after supper, me and Jonah just spent some time together, playing, taking pictures, building a tower with his blocks, doing dishes and just laughing and singing and enjoying each other. I needed that. I love this boy, my baby, my first little love...he is such a joy. Sometimes I miss the time that we have had, just him and I...

But, we do love our Levi...even if he causes MUCH sleep deprivation.

The darlin' boy is starting to smile and make little noises (other than crying) -- so...that is endearing me to him even more. He is quite a cutie.

A better day

...it really was a better day today.

In part because Levi actually had 3 good naps...which means he didn't cry nearly as much, because...He was actually sleeping!!!

In part because I LEFT THE HOUSE!! Oh my word - I need to do this. I love being home. Really. But the days I don't leave the house at all are much more difficult and i go stir-crazy, and...so does Jonah...and we just need to get out and have some space and interaction with other people.

I took Jonah to my Mom's while Levi and I went into town for a bit (and Levi slept the whole time!) - then hung out at Mom's for a bit. Then chatted with Angie on the phone, then picked up Jay from work...and...

Its 9:00 and both boys have been in bed for over an hour. Jay is at a youth retreat for a bit tonight and I am actually: ALONE!! Very rare. And I'm watching a movie and surfin' the 'net.

I'm exhausted, but...enjoying a little bit of time to myself until Jason gets back...and I'm crossing my fingers for a good night's sleep...

Happy Weekend!

Its just been one of those days...

...oh my word. I hate to complain. And especially about a child I have literally prayed God would give me for almost 3 years now.

But.oh.my.stinkin.word.

I know he's not even 6 weeks old yet, but - does he really need to cry for so much of the day? because he's waaaay too over-tired? And does he really need to be nursed every time he needs to sleep? And does he really need to fall asleep within 5 minutes flat every time I nurse him? And fool me into thinking he's *really* asleep...when, indeed..he will be waking up in another 5 minutes, begging for more milk, only to fall asleep again and repeat the process? Good grief, child. Give your Mama a break, would ya?

I love him. I do. But, its very frustrating. The crying. That's what really gets me. I don't mind nursing him - though I'll admit, the tender boobs that are leaking milk every hour are getting on my nerves a little. Its the crying that sends me over the edge. And he's not crying all the time, but...when he does - the level of stress is just almost too much.

And then I feel guilty. Guilty that it bothers me. what do I expect from a newborn? And guilty that I express my frustrations in front of Jonah - only to have him try to convince me that "Levi's a good boy, Mama. We love him."

Oh dear.

Jonah is a rebuke to me. He rarely gets frustrated with Levi, and is showering this little bundle with kisses and kindness all day long. Seriously: all day long. And I can't stop thinking about how tired I am. And how I wish I could just escape my life. Only for an hour. But - the snow outside taunts me and reminds me that I really would rather stay cozy and warm...and frustrated in my little home rather than venture out into the icy cold winter with two little boys in tow.

I know this will pass. And I don't want to wish time away. But...I am just having one of those days.

Thank goodness my hubby is upstairs with the little babe right now, giving me a little break. A break to write and gripe about my sad state of affairs.

Suck it up buttercup.

This is just a season. I know that.

And he really is quite cute. Even if his darlin' little face is breaking out.