My boy

I have a few (hopefully only a few!) days left of Jonah being my only child. This kid is so much like me sometimes, its infuriating. Jason laughs at the stories I tell him when he gets home from work, the things Jonah does that drive me crazy, the bouts of frustration Jonah has and the words and grunts he makes that are just like ME...and its true...which is why when we're 'fighting' we really get on each others' nerves...and why, we just need to get it OUT!! then we're fine a minute (or 5!) later...just let us vent, let us cry, let us be angry and get our words and grunts out...we'll be fine in a minute!!

But this kid...his heart is so sensitive and so sweet and kind and observant about the world around him...his concern for others, his memory for things that people do, and places we've been, and things that make others happy, or sad...are amongst the things that baffle me, and amaze me that at such a young age, his heart could be so sensitive and eager to bring joy to others.

Lastnight we went to Jay's staff party. He drives for a non-profit organization that is a transit system mostly for people in wheelchairs. There is a lady, Anne, that Jason drives, who we have spent some time with, especially since having Jonah -- she adores him!! She is a little scary looking, truth be told, very deformed, and has never had children of her own, and isn't always appropriate or gentle in how she talks or behaves with him. but the more we see her, the easier it is, and the more comfortable Jonah is with her. He sat on her lap for the majority of the evening lastnight and they were 'riding' around the building, hootin' and hollarin' like...children!! I am pleased he is 'exposed' to people like Anne, and that he has already developed a comfortable-ness that alot of people don't have, simply because they aren't around people with disabilities. I grew up with so many people with such a variety of disabilities, Mom reminded me today when I was talking to her about Jonah lastnight, that one of us once asked her: "do we have ANY family members who are 'normal'?"...but, its a gift, I think...and one I am grateful that my kid already is able to have.

I don't often have to wonder what is going on in Jonah's head -- he is very verbal, and has an ability to communicate his thoughts very well. Too well sometimes, I am 'shushing' him when he is asking why Anne is always in her wheelchair, and why the man with the patch on his eye is dressed like a pirate...

But, lastnight when I was laying beside him putting him to bed, he asked if Jesus was a girl or a boy. We've had this conversation before. So...I try to explain again Who He is...but that He is not a girl.

So Jonah says "But we sing 'He's Beautiful'...I didn't know boys were beautiful. Only girls are beautiful. So Jesus must be a girl." (Phil Whickham song, if you're wondering what song I'm talking about.) Good point, Jonah -- its always felt a little funny singing that song, truth be told.

Tonight in his prayer, he prays "Thank You God for my bed. Thank you for my house. Thank you that you came and lived in a barn, because You didn't have a house. thank You that You did that because You love us...." (and then he listed off a whole bunch of other things he thanked God for.) I love it. I love hearing this kid's heart. I love being his mom, and though he drives me crazier at times than anyone in the world...he is just such a huge part of who I even am...I feel like he has made me be who I was meant to be...like before I became a Mom, I was just waiting to be me.

I can't believe I will soon be a Mama to another child besides Jonah. this body is so eager to get this baby OUT...but my heart is still a little hesitant. but excited, too, to see who this baby is, and how my life will be changed again, by this little life God has entrusted to me.

This long post is more for my benefit than yours...when i wanna write these days, it is usually in the form of a blog entry, because...I can't get my journal and pen comfortable enough on this huge belly of mine.

So, I will savour this time I have of being a Mama of one...for however long its true...life as we know it is on the brink of a huge change.