New Year

I think more than any other year so far, 2012 seems like it has come and gone like a whirlwind...I cannot believe how fast it went! What a year! I have a ONE YEAR OLD now...shouldn't he be, like, 4 months old or something?? How in the world is he already ONE????? Curse those first few (???) hormonal, sleepless, crazy months...they robbed me of precious time with a sweet tiny little baby. So of course I want another chance...and am terrified at the possible impossibility of it...so I will not let myself get caught up in THAT whole thing quite yet...

Because I have a great life...with an awesome husband, and two great little boys...and that's just for starters. I am not good at 'resolutions', per se...but I am choosing 2013 to be a more intentional year. In every area of my life, I need to be more intentional:

1. My spiritual life...I need to be more aware of my need of Him in everything. In laziness in reading the Bible, praying intentionally, writing, singing - worshipping and living AWARE of Who He is...I am not giving Him all of me...I know I'm not. And I want to. I DO need Him...and I have, at least...2 little boys who are learning much of Who Jesus is...from ME...I want to be a more accurate reflection of Him...giving Him more of me...and being intentional about it...
2. My marriage. We are going into our 10th year of marriage (on May 3rd!)...and we are very happy to just be together...we have a lot in common and are really, generally just very happy to be together...but we need to be more intentional about our time with each other, too. Not always...because sometimes we do need to just be, without expectations or agendas...but I think its important to make time to be on intentional dates, even if it is 'staying in', watching a show, playing a game, whatever...our marriage is important - and I'm not naive to think we are 'better than' or 'above' a failing marriage, when it seems to be a pretty common thing these days...I don't want to just 'get by'...I want us to be falling more in love with each other all the time...and being intentional about our conversation and time and sharing life with its responsibilities and hopes and dreams.
3. My mothering. I have only 8 more months until Jonah goes to school. It is beyond me how I will do every day with him gone...I'm serious...that kid is such a part of my every-day...so...knowing how incredibly fast time goes...I want to be more intentional with my time and my mothering. I don't mean: being crafty, organizing outings, teaching him to read and learn his numbers...I do mean: being present...being more patient and understanding of who these boys are and what they need from me...loving them and teaching them and disciplining them...not knowing exactly what that looks like every single day...but being mindful of the hugely important role of being their Mama. and giving myself some grace in there, as well...
4. Relationships. I am blessed with some amazing people in my life...and I want to be even more intentional about sharing life and investing time...and being willing to let others in...I have a tendency to sometimes convince myself I have 'all I need'...I know what it is to have true, deep, meaningful friendships...but I don't want to be a person who shuts others out, either...I want to be more loving and kind to people who may not 'yet' be in my inner circle...because I want to be intentional about showing love and investing care and goodness in people. I want to give more of what I have - even if that just means sharing my food, or my time, or my heart -- being willing to go out on a limb and share a piece of my heart and believing there could be some reciprocated care...I don't want to convince myself that people don't care...when I may just not be giving them a chance.
5. My home. I need to get organized!! I need to purge...I need to make some to-do lists and not get overwhelmed with all that needs to be done...on top of just maintaining the laundry, dishes, groceries, general cleaning, meals, and caring for 2 little boys...I hate the clutter...I need to be willing to part with some things...
6. My creativity - my heart - not getting too side-tracked with caring for others that I neglect those things that feed MY soul...making myself do things and be with people - or be by myself, with the intention of listening to my own heart...doing things that make me come alive...and not letting myself feel selfish or guilty for doing things purely for my own enjoyment once in awhile. I need to be writing more...music...journaling...devotions, prayers, verses...writing feeds my soul...and I need to do more of it.
7. Reading. Not just the Bible...but books - silly novels, deep, thought-provoking novels, parenting books, health books, cook-books...what have you!!! I need to read...its good for me and I have not done near enough of it in the past few years...and I feel 'lacking' because of it. So...I will read more.
8. My body. I need to be taking better care of my body. I need to eat healthier, be more intentional about making sure there is enough groceries in this house at all times so I am not always resorting to cereal or crackers for lunch...I need to snack less...and be more active. I need to lose weight and be more intentional about being active...I don't know how to 'diet' and make a plan that I will stick with...but I do know I need to do something about this.

This is not an all-inclusive list...but its a start. For me, its a start. Knowing I need to just BE more INTENTIONAL...in my life...not limiting it to these areas...but in all areas of my life...Its like I don't want to 'busy' myself with too much...busy-ness, or something...I get annoyed at people who are 'too busy' and always telling me how very 'busy' they are...I don't want to be like that...so I resist it sometimes...but then what I get is just 'go-with-the-flow' type approach to life...and its like I'm 'waiting' for it to happen sometimes...so I don't want to be like THAT...I want to be mind-ful, aware, intentional...

I love the start of a new year and the possibilities and the opportunity to 'start over' and make some changes...not limiting myself to figure it all out today...and not beating myself up for any failure to DO what I've set out to do...I should add the word 'grace' to the word 'intentional' for this year 2013...because they must go hand-in-hand, really...or I will fail, and give up altogether...