The truth is...today was a struggle. Jonah woke up early (for him) and was c-r-a-n-k-Y this morning...we had a snow day, we were lazy all morning, happy to be home together, but...frustrated with Jonah for crying about everything he didn't get to do the way HE wanted to...struggling with knowing how to discipline, when to ignore, when to love and snuggle, etc, etc...in a moment of frustration and repeatedly correcting, I disciplined him, and he. lost. it. just got soo upset and crying and looked so forlorn and hurt and frustrated. I picked him up to hold him and comfort him, and...he peed on me. I felt soo awful. He was so upset. Kept saying 'sorry', kept crying, and just didn't know what to do with himself. And in that moment, I was trying to imagine what it was like to BE him. how sad he felt, how frustrated he was at me, calling for Daddy to come and save him, and I wouldn't let him go. He resisted me and it broke my heart. Jason bathed him so we could have a little space from each other, and when he was done of his bath, I dressed him, snuggled him, and put him to bed. He fell asleep in my arms within a minute, and I could not let him go for the longest time. I needed to feel that redemption after a frustrating morning, by feeling his sweet little head resting on my chest and snuggled into my arms. For all the frustrating times, there are a million more times where my heart feels ready to burst with the love I feel for this little boy. It is my greatest greatest joy being his mama.
3 comments:
Aw, Kristi...my momma's heart goes out to ya. Definitely been there and done that. Several times. There's so stinkin' much to the whole parenting thing...and so easy to get caught up emotionally out of purely just wanting to do it right. Few things are as deeply intense as a mothers love for one of her own. You're a great mom...and Jonah's a very lucky little boy. Hope your tomorrow goes better.
oh my soul. i'm actually crying. what a story. awww. you love him so much. i love him so much too. i can't wait to see him tomorrow. i almost wanted to stop by on my way home, but i knew it was jay's night to get him all to himself. tomorrow is MINE!! i can't wait.
little sis
oh man...those times are the worst! i absolutely hate them! but, you handled it well kris and just remember what i said the other day: you have sooo much more time to really mess him up...this is nothin'! ;) seriously though, happy you got to hold him as he slept..you are an amazing mom and jonah is just sooo lucky to have you! xoxoxo
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