...my time on the internet is far and few between these days. Still just trying to find my groove, but -- I am, indeed, still alive. My baby turns 1 month old today. What on earth?!?! In some ways, it doesn't feel like that long, and in other ways...a MONTH? Come on! That's a long time, isn't it?!?! Crazy.
He's doing pretty good. Sleeping for longer periods of time at night - and getting cuter, and eating good, and growing, and doing all the things he's 'supposed' to be doing...and we're still finding our groove, but...its coming. Slowly, but surely, I'd say every day gets a little better.
And Jonah is a star big brother -- like...I mean: A STAR!!! He loves Levi to bits and gives him tons of kisses all day long. Doesn't get agitated when he cries, but certainly does get concerned and wants to help. He's a great helper for me (most of the time!) - and is just doing great. I'm super happy about that...definetely makes this transition much smoother, having Jonah be so happy with the new addition to our family.
Anyways. This is about all I have time for. Currently have my oldest boy in bed, and my baby boy crying - I'm testing out the crying to sleep thing. i'm not that good at it. Has it really only been 5 minutes? Well...I gotta go.
Now.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
A Mama of Two...
I am not feeling especially 'nostalgic' or inspired to write, but...My little baby is 2 weeks old today, so...I figure it is most definetely TIME for me to finally write about him. He's sound asleep beside me, my little Levi. And my little - well, my BIG! - boy, Jonah, is sound asleep in his little room upstairs. I am sitting with the computer on my lap for what seems like the first time in weeks...and who knows how long I will have to write until the sleeping babe beside me wakes, and decides he would like to be nursed. Again.
We had the craziest Christmas EVER this year. It was celebrated for a long time, as it always is...decorations put up on American Thanksgiving - as much baking and candy-ing and celebrating as possible, with an almost 9-month preggo body...and it still seems like it was here and gone in a flash. Jonah asks every day if Christmas is over.
The weeks leading up to Christmas, I begged God to get this baby out of me and home in time to celebrate Christmas. Then the days before Christmas, when I knew it wouldn't be possible to get home FOR Christmas, I started begging Him to keep the baby in until at least Christmas morning was over, so we could have our time with Jonah, opening his presents.
God gave me just that. We had a special morning at home, just the 3 of us...it already seems like a life-time ago, in ways. My siblings came down while Mom and Dad went to church (they are the spiritual ones, for sure!), then close to noon, we all headed up to my parents for some more present-opening, the reading of the Christmas story, and preparations for the meal. JUST before we all sat down to eat, I was faced with the reality that all the 'tightenings' I was having...were 'real'...contractions. I knew this baby was coming.
Jonah was just starting to have a melt-down, as his Papa was calling everyone to the table (for a man who likes to eat at 12:00 sharp and 5:00 sharp, 1:00-1:30 was really pushing the limits!) -- Jonah wanted to play, and NOT eat...so, we were trying to deal with him, which is difficult to do descretely, in a house full of people who are so hungry...
Anyways, I finally got him calmed down, and we cuddled on the bed a few minutes, singing some songs, and then I knew I had to go. I scarved down a few bites of turkey dinner, and we headed in to the hospital.
Unbelievable pain, contractions were about 2 minutes apart, I was SURE when they checked me they'd be able to see the baby's head! Nope: only 1 centimetre dilated. NOT COOL. I was ready to have a c-section right there.
Anyways. I feel quite certain the 'details' of this baby's arrival will not be forgotten, as so many of the details of Jonah's birth were...I was unfortunately NOT as 'out of it' as I was with jonah...very VERY verbal the entirety of this labour...my poor husband, bless his soul...no cursing. But MUCH wailing, screaming, crying, and yelling "I cannot do this. Get this baby OUT OF ME!! I cannot DO THIS!!!"...for hours. But - God answered the prayer I had prayed for months...and I pushed this baby out.
And here I am two weeks later, still healing...and trying to decide if I am to have another baby, which is the more traumatic way to go: c-section or vaginal...I've done both, and I have to say BOTH are pretty traumatic.
Anyways. I have a perfect little baby boy. Well -- not quite perfect: he hasn't mastered the whole sleeping during the NIGHT thing, though he's quite good at the sleeping during the DAY thing. But, he doesn't cry much - he's a great nurser, and seems very content. And Jonah ADORES him....he seriously gives this baby kisses and hugs all day long. I'm quite pleased about that. He's making the adjustment better than I am.
Its an adjustment. I forgot what its like to have a newborn. I know life will mellow out a little soon, and once my body feels better, i think that will be half the battle. But...I'm not gonna lie: I kinda miss my 'prior' life a littel at times. Knowing that once 7:45pm is here, and I walk down those stairs...the night is MINE. Not the case anymore. But...I'm adjusting. I'm getting there. And, I am trying to be patient with myself, knowing I can't do everything like normal quite yet.
I've been overwhelmed with all the meals people have made and the gifts we've been given...definetely feelin' the love. We are blessed, indeed.
So...because this baby is still asleep beside me, and I've already gone up once to wipe the nose of my other little boy...I'll try to relax and enjoy some time with my hubby before I tend to the needs of my newborn.
For now...this very long post will be my 'welcome to the world', Levi Wilson Paulino.
(he must have heard me: he's awake now.)
We had the craziest Christmas EVER this year. It was celebrated for a long time, as it always is...decorations put up on American Thanksgiving - as much baking and candy-ing and celebrating as possible, with an almost 9-month preggo body...and it still seems like it was here and gone in a flash. Jonah asks every day if Christmas is over.
The weeks leading up to Christmas, I begged God to get this baby out of me and home in time to celebrate Christmas. Then the days before Christmas, when I knew it wouldn't be possible to get home FOR Christmas, I started begging Him to keep the baby in until at least Christmas morning was over, so we could have our time with Jonah, opening his presents.
God gave me just that. We had a special morning at home, just the 3 of us...it already seems like a life-time ago, in ways. My siblings came down while Mom and Dad went to church (they are the spiritual ones, for sure!), then close to noon, we all headed up to my parents for some more present-opening, the reading of the Christmas story, and preparations for the meal. JUST before we all sat down to eat, I was faced with the reality that all the 'tightenings' I was having...were 'real'...contractions. I knew this baby was coming.
Jonah was just starting to have a melt-down, as his Papa was calling everyone to the table (for a man who likes to eat at 12:00 sharp and 5:00 sharp, 1:00-1:30 was really pushing the limits!) -- Jonah wanted to play, and NOT eat...so, we were trying to deal with him, which is difficult to do descretely, in a house full of people who are so hungry...
Anyways, I finally got him calmed down, and we cuddled on the bed a few minutes, singing some songs, and then I knew I had to go. I scarved down a few bites of turkey dinner, and we headed in to the hospital.
Unbelievable pain, contractions were about 2 minutes apart, I was SURE when they checked me they'd be able to see the baby's head! Nope: only 1 centimetre dilated. NOT COOL. I was ready to have a c-section right there.
Anyways. I feel quite certain the 'details' of this baby's arrival will not be forgotten, as so many of the details of Jonah's birth were...I was unfortunately NOT as 'out of it' as I was with jonah...very VERY verbal the entirety of this labour...my poor husband, bless his soul...no cursing. But MUCH wailing, screaming, crying, and yelling "I cannot do this. Get this baby OUT OF ME!! I cannot DO THIS!!!"...for hours. But - God answered the prayer I had prayed for months...and I pushed this baby out.
And here I am two weeks later, still healing...and trying to decide if I am to have another baby, which is the more traumatic way to go: c-section or vaginal...I've done both, and I have to say BOTH are pretty traumatic.
Anyways. I have a perfect little baby boy. Well -- not quite perfect: he hasn't mastered the whole sleeping during the NIGHT thing, though he's quite good at the sleeping during the DAY thing. But, he doesn't cry much - he's a great nurser, and seems very content. And Jonah ADORES him....he seriously gives this baby kisses and hugs all day long. I'm quite pleased about that. He's making the adjustment better than I am.
Its an adjustment. I forgot what its like to have a newborn. I know life will mellow out a little soon, and once my body feels better, i think that will be half the battle. But...I'm not gonna lie: I kinda miss my 'prior' life a littel at times. Knowing that once 7:45pm is here, and I walk down those stairs...the night is MINE. Not the case anymore. But...I'm adjusting. I'm getting there. And, I am trying to be patient with myself, knowing I can't do everything like normal quite yet.
I've been overwhelmed with all the meals people have made and the gifts we've been given...definetely feelin' the love. We are blessed, indeed.
So...because this baby is still asleep beside me, and I've already gone up once to wipe the nose of my other little boy...I'll try to relax and enjoy some time with my hubby before I tend to the needs of my newborn.
For now...this very long post will be my 'welcome to the world', Levi Wilson Paulino.
(he must have heard me: he's awake now.)
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Due Date
Today is my due date. I have 50 minutes left, and then I'm officially 'overdue'...though I have felt 'overdue' for quite awhile now...honestly, I do not remember feeling sooo many of the things I've felt in this pregnancy with Jonah. Back in August, I remember feeling anxious to get this baby OUT!! What on earth?! We are literally days away now, and I still am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that there is going to be another child in this family...I will be nursing a newborn any day now...still very surreal to me. I can't wait to meet this baby!! I feel so uncertain with the unknown arrival of this baby so close to Christmas, not knowing if I'll even be AT my family's Christmas dinner, whether or not I will be with Jonah, opening presents on Christmas Day, whether I will be at my church's Christmas Eve service (I love Christmas Eve services!), eating yummy food and playing games after up at my Mom and Dad's...so many things that are such 'tradition'...I don't know if I will be participating in them this year.
But then I am reminded of what a true, true miracle it is that I am having another child...and I'm quite certain that once this babe arrives, and I am holding him/her in my arms...all the other stuff...just won't quite matter the same way I think it does right now. Its just one year. And a little life that is soon to make his/her presence known...at the already most wonderful time of the year...what a gift!!
So...I am trying -- really trying...to not be so anxious...and to ENJOY this...there's nothing I can do to MAKE this baby come out...and I want the timing to be right and not rush things.
So. Due date. Whatever. Jonah came on his due date, but...I guess this babe has other plans.
But then I am reminded of what a true, true miracle it is that I am having another child...and I'm quite certain that once this babe arrives, and I am holding him/her in my arms...all the other stuff...just won't quite matter the same way I think it does right now. Its just one year. And a little life that is soon to make his/her presence known...at the already most wonderful time of the year...what a gift!!
So...I am trying -- really trying...to not be so anxious...and to ENJOY this...there's nothing I can do to MAKE this baby come out...and I want the timing to be right and not rush things.
So. Due date. Whatever. Jonah came on his due date, but...I guess this babe has other plans.
Friday, December 16, 2011
White Trash
...not a very nice name, but...a delicious little treat that seriously took me less than 3 minutes to make:
Melt about 2 cups of white chocolate in the microwave for about 1 and 1/2 minutes at 50%, stirring after 45 seconds.
Pour it over about 1 cup of peanuts, 1 cup of dried cranberries, and 2 cups of Golden Grahams cereal. Stir, and spread onto parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Voila. Done. Put in the fridge to harden it up. Oh my goodness. Yum.
Melt about 2 cups of white chocolate in the microwave for about 1 and 1/2 minutes at 50%, stirring after 45 seconds.
Pour it over about 1 cup of peanuts, 1 cup of dried cranberries, and 2 cups of Golden Grahams cereal. Stir, and spread onto parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Voila. Done. Put in the fridge to harden it up. Oh my goodness. Yum.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
My boy
I have a few (hopefully only a few!) days left of Jonah being my only child. This kid is so much like me sometimes, its infuriating. Jason laughs at the stories I tell him when he gets home from work, the things Jonah does that drive me crazy, the bouts of frustration Jonah has and the words and grunts he makes that are just like ME...and its true...which is why when we're 'fighting' we really get on each others' nerves...and why, we just need to get it OUT!! then we're fine a minute (or 5!) later...just let us vent, let us cry, let us be angry and get our words and grunts out...we'll be fine in a minute!!
But this kid...his heart is so sensitive and so sweet and kind and observant about the world around him...his concern for others, his memory for things that people do, and places we've been, and things that make others happy, or sad...are amongst the things that baffle me, and amaze me that at such a young age, his heart could be so sensitive and eager to bring joy to others.
Lastnight we went to Jay's staff party. He drives for a non-profit organization that is a transit system mostly for people in wheelchairs. There is a lady, Anne, that Jason drives, who we have spent some time with, especially since having Jonah -- she adores him!! She is a little scary looking, truth be told, very deformed, and has never had children of her own, and isn't always appropriate or gentle in how she talks or behaves with him. but the more we see her, the easier it is, and the more comfortable Jonah is with her. He sat on her lap for the majority of the evening lastnight and they were 'riding' around the building, hootin' and hollarin' like...children!! I am pleased he is 'exposed' to people like Anne, and that he has already developed a comfortable-ness that alot of people don't have, simply because they aren't around people with disabilities. I grew up with so many people with such a variety of disabilities, Mom reminded me today when I was talking to her about Jonah lastnight, that one of us once asked her: "do we have ANY family members who are 'normal'?"...but, its a gift, I think...and one I am grateful that my kid already is able to have.
I don't often have to wonder what is going on in Jonah's head -- he is very verbal, and has an ability to communicate his thoughts very well. Too well sometimes, I am 'shushing' him when he is asking why Anne is always in her wheelchair, and why the man with the patch on his eye is dressed like a pirate...
But, lastnight when I was laying beside him putting him to bed, he asked if Jesus was a girl or a boy. We've had this conversation before. So...I try to explain again Who He is...but that He is not a girl.
So Jonah says "But we sing 'He's Beautiful'...I didn't know boys were beautiful. Only girls are beautiful. So Jesus must be a girl." (Phil Whickham song, if you're wondering what song I'm talking about.) Good point, Jonah -- its always felt a little funny singing that song, truth be told.
Tonight in his prayer, he prays "Thank You God for my bed. Thank you for my house. Thank you that you came and lived in a barn, because You didn't have a house. thank You that You did that because You love us...." (and then he listed off a whole bunch of other things he thanked God for.) I love it. I love hearing this kid's heart. I love being his mom, and though he drives me crazier at times than anyone in the world...he is just such a huge part of who I even am...I feel like he has made me be who I was meant to be...like before I became a Mom, I was just waiting to be me.
I can't believe I will soon be a Mama to another child besides Jonah. this body is so eager to get this baby OUT...but my heart is still a little hesitant. but excited, too, to see who this baby is, and how my life will be changed again, by this little life God has entrusted to me.
This long post is more for my benefit than yours...when i wanna write these days, it is usually in the form of a blog entry, because...I can't get my journal and pen comfortable enough on this huge belly of mine.
So, I will savour this time I have of being a Mama of one...for however long its true...life as we know it is on the brink of a huge change.
But this kid...his heart is so sensitive and so sweet and kind and observant about the world around him...his concern for others, his memory for things that people do, and places we've been, and things that make others happy, or sad...are amongst the things that baffle me, and amaze me that at such a young age, his heart could be so sensitive and eager to bring joy to others.
Lastnight we went to Jay's staff party. He drives for a non-profit organization that is a transit system mostly for people in wheelchairs. There is a lady, Anne, that Jason drives, who we have spent some time with, especially since having Jonah -- she adores him!! She is a little scary looking, truth be told, very deformed, and has never had children of her own, and isn't always appropriate or gentle in how she talks or behaves with him. but the more we see her, the easier it is, and the more comfortable Jonah is with her. He sat on her lap for the majority of the evening lastnight and they were 'riding' around the building, hootin' and hollarin' like...children!! I am pleased he is 'exposed' to people like Anne, and that he has already developed a comfortable-ness that alot of people don't have, simply because they aren't around people with disabilities. I grew up with so many people with such a variety of disabilities, Mom reminded me today when I was talking to her about Jonah lastnight, that one of us once asked her: "do we have ANY family members who are 'normal'?"...but, its a gift, I think...and one I am grateful that my kid already is able to have.
I don't often have to wonder what is going on in Jonah's head -- he is very verbal, and has an ability to communicate his thoughts very well. Too well sometimes, I am 'shushing' him when he is asking why Anne is always in her wheelchair, and why the man with the patch on his eye is dressed like a pirate...
But, lastnight when I was laying beside him putting him to bed, he asked if Jesus was a girl or a boy. We've had this conversation before. So...I try to explain again Who He is...but that He is not a girl.
So Jonah says "But we sing 'He's Beautiful'...I didn't know boys were beautiful. Only girls are beautiful. So Jesus must be a girl." (Phil Whickham song, if you're wondering what song I'm talking about.) Good point, Jonah -- its always felt a little funny singing that song, truth be told.
Tonight in his prayer, he prays "Thank You God for my bed. Thank you for my house. Thank you that you came and lived in a barn, because You didn't have a house. thank You that You did that because You love us...." (and then he listed off a whole bunch of other things he thanked God for.) I love it. I love hearing this kid's heart. I love being his mom, and though he drives me crazier at times than anyone in the world...he is just such a huge part of who I even am...I feel like he has made me be who I was meant to be...like before I became a Mom, I was just waiting to be me.
I can't believe I will soon be a Mama to another child besides Jonah. this body is so eager to get this baby OUT...but my heart is still a little hesitant. but excited, too, to see who this baby is, and how my life will be changed again, by this little life God has entrusted to me.
This long post is more for my benefit than yours...when i wanna write these days, it is usually in the form of a blog entry, because...I can't get my journal and pen comfortable enough on this huge belly of mine.
So, I will savour this time I have of being a Mama of one...for however long its true...life as we know it is on the brink of a huge change.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
38 Weeks
Another ultrasound, another appointment...still no baby. My doctor does say that they don't like to have people who have infertility to go too much past their due dates, so...I'm praying -- PRAYING!! -- that I will go into labour on my own, and be able to have a vaginal birth. If you think of it, I would love it if you'd pray for that too.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
no peeks...
Had my ultrasound yesterday -- at 37 weeks...no peeks to find out the gender...though we both now sorta have a feeling its a girl...for no particular reason. we'll see if Jonah's been right all along.
And everything looks great -- she says she can't tell how big the baby is, unfortunately. I don't believe her, but...again -- I seem to be quite skeptical of our health professionals these days. Not a good thing when one is on the brink of labour. Not the 'brink', don't worry....but...it is coming!! Hopefully soon-ish. But not too soon.
Anyways. I'm quite excited to meet this babe...
And everything looks great -- she says she can't tell how big the baby is, unfortunately. I don't believe her, but...again -- I seem to be quite skeptical of our health professionals these days. Not a good thing when one is on the brink of labour. Not the 'brink', don't worry....but...it is coming!! Hopefully soon-ish. But not too soon.
Anyways. I'm quite excited to meet this babe...
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