:: Even when words are harshly spoken against men who you believe to be godly...when attempts to humiliate and infuriate, proclaiming that "Jesus is no longer here"...He's still good. And still, always "HERE". Right here...loving us and caring for us.
:: Even when friends are mourning an incredible loss of a life of spiritual mentor and friend, in the most unthinkable, selfish act, making grief and pain more surmountable than thought possible...even then, God is good...and always the Comforter and Giver of peace.
:: Even when money is tight and bills keep coming in, God provides, through the generosity of people in similar circumstances...reminding us of His great provision...and always...showing us His incredible goodness.
:: Even when -- maybe especially when...your little boy sings of His goodness, and how He is strong enough to move a mountain - strong enough to hold a planet...just when you need to hear it...reminding you through a song made up by a 4 year old...that He will take care of us...and He can be trusted.
:: Even when I feel lonely when I am surrounded by dozens of people at my church..and I wonder who is 'for' us and who is not...even then I sense His presence and deep, deep love...and a little bit of hope is restored in my heart when I sense love and care from people in a simple hug and gesture of kindness...Him at work...
:: Even when being an elder's wife is hard during such times of division and transition and hurt...being able to honestly say I support and respect these 4 men, I am reminded of the responsibility of their position...and am pleased to say I think they are doing well...a united, godly group of men...I know He is still good - I know He is still Sovereign, and I know He is leading them, leading us.
:: Even when there's relationships that have distance, and 'hurt people HURT people'...and you are the recipient of such hurt by people who you didn't expect it from...and then that person is the one who SEES you...who reaches out...and offers comfort for your soul, a loving embrace, that redeems something that was lost...and you are reminded...there is hope...change and restoration, and healing and forgiveness...all part of the character of God...and seen in His image, that He's stamped on our hearts. a beautiful reflection of Him.
:: Even when your spirit is willing, and your flesh is so weak...you see Him...you hear Him...and as you seek Him, you realize He is showing up everywhere...and speaking truth, and offering grace and peace...and you are reminded of your soul's deep need for Him...and that He alone can satisfy - He alone can fill those empty places in your heart...and He does...its His great delight to be my 'everything.'
:: Even when words fail me, but I still attempt to write so I remember...He tells me again: "Its not about you. It is...about Me." And I know He's speaking the truth. And He's speaking it to me. I cannot change anyone else's heart or motive, I cannot judge anyone else's words or actions...I can only surrender to Him, myself, and beg Him to lead us, to have His way...to change us. To change me.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
I am His
“I have chosen you
and have not rejected you.
So DO NOT FEAR, for
I am with you;
do not be dismayed,
for I am your God.
I will strengthen you
and help you;
I will uphold you
with my righteous right hand.”
(Isaiah 41:9-10)
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Conversation with a 4 year old about death and Jesus
My sister, Lori, just called to ask me to pray for her as she is singing at the funeral of a 6 year old boy, Kameron, who died on the weekend with something like a brain aneurism...Kameron was in the little school where Lori teaches and all of her kids except her oldest, go to school. I cannot imagine that little community and family and what they have gone through this week. They have been heavy on my heart, and giving some perspective on life and its fragility.
So, Jonah wanted to know why she called...so, we had a little conversation...
me: "Well...you know how we talked about this little boy who died from Lori's school? Well, Lori has to sing a song this morning at his funeral...a funeral is kind of like a church service, where we remember the person who died...and Lori is kind of nervous and sad to sing, and she's singing a song about Jesus, so we just want to pray that the people will know that Jesus is real and how much He loves them."
He gets a little bit sad looking, kind teary, because He knows I'm serious...so I ask Him if he's sad, and tell him its okay to feel sad...
Jonah: "Is MaryAnne sad about him? and...what is 'dead'?"
me: "Well...remember when Sasha's cat died, and that meant that he got hurt really bad, and he couldn't be alive anymore? Its like that...this little boy had something wrong with his head that made his body hurt too badly, that he couldn't live anymore..."
J: "Like if I hurt Levi, I could make him dead?"
me: "well...noooo...but we do need to be really careful with other people, and careful with ourselves that we protect each other so we don't hurt each other....but we don't need to worry about being dead..."
J: "What was the little boys name?"
me: "Kameron. But not the Cameron that we know."
J: "Ohhh...good thing we have another Cameron, then...unless he gets dead, then we won't know any Camerons..."
Me: "Well...we won't worry too much about being dead...we just have to pray for people to know Jesus, because not everyone knows Jesus...and we want them to know about Him so they can go to heaven, and so that when they're here on the earth they can know how good He is...and how much He loves us..."
J: "Well, Kameron is with Jesus, right? And He can see Him now? Because we can't see Him, but Kameron can see him, soo, that's okay...So, if his Mama gets dead, then she can see him again, and then she can see Jesus, too...that's okay..."
Me: "But what about his Dad, then?? He would be sad...and we can't all just die...we have to wait until God decides that its time for us to die...so, because we know Jesus...while we're here in the world, we just want to make sure we tell people about Him...we never know who knows Him, and who doesn't...so, we want to make sure we tell people about Him so they can know how much He loves them."
J: "I know who loves Jesus...Jack loves Jesus...and all the other super spies in my Sunday School...they love Jesus. Well....maybe not the little kids....but I think all the other kids love Jesus."
Me: "Well...probably, but we never know, so we just want to make sure we tell people about Him, but we never want to make people feel bad, right? We just want them to know He loves them."
J: "Well...I told Levi about Jesus one time, when we were in our bedroom...'cause Levi doesn't know Jesus, does he?"
So, he crouches down by Levi and tells him...
"Levi...Jesus is a kind person. Do you know that? Do you know that He loves you, and He knows you?"
(This is a few minutes later now, because I wanted to write this conversation down so I wouldn't forget...I'm not an 'embellisher' and I also have a child who is not...he is quick to correct me if I tell a story about him and don't say 'verbatim' exactly as he said things...so I was just asking him what he told Levi about Jesus...because I'm now forgetting some of the details...so I say to him "Did you tell Levi that Jesus died for him? I can't remember if you said that?")
Jonah then yells out to Levi, who is now in the kitchen: "Levi!!! Levi -- did you know that Jesus died for you?? He did - He DIED for you, Levi! But He didn't stay dead...did you know that, Levi??? Did you??"
I'm quite certain I've forgotten a few of the details of our conversation this morning, but this is the detail I remember...and, the simplicity of Jesus, and life, and death even...to a 4 year old child...is a great reminder to me of the simple gospel message...and how, really...I should be telling people about Him...and the wonderful privelege and blessing it is to have a child to explain and teach to about Jesus...and how He becomes more and more real to ME, as I do...
So, Jonah wanted to know why she called...so, we had a little conversation...
me: "Well...you know how we talked about this little boy who died from Lori's school? Well, Lori has to sing a song this morning at his funeral...a funeral is kind of like a church service, where we remember the person who died...and Lori is kind of nervous and sad to sing, and she's singing a song about Jesus, so we just want to pray that the people will know that Jesus is real and how much He loves them."
He gets a little bit sad looking, kind teary, because He knows I'm serious...so I ask Him if he's sad, and tell him its okay to feel sad...
Jonah: "Is MaryAnne sad about him? and...what is 'dead'?"
me: "Well...remember when Sasha's cat died, and that meant that he got hurt really bad, and he couldn't be alive anymore? Its like that...this little boy had something wrong with his head that made his body hurt too badly, that he couldn't live anymore..."
J: "Like if I hurt Levi, I could make him dead?"
me: "well...noooo...but we do need to be really careful with other people, and careful with ourselves that we protect each other so we don't hurt each other....but we don't need to worry about being dead..."
J: "What was the little boys name?"
me: "Kameron. But not the Cameron that we know."
J: "Ohhh...good thing we have another Cameron, then...unless he gets dead, then we won't know any Camerons..."
Me: "Well...we won't worry too much about being dead...we just have to pray for people to know Jesus, because not everyone knows Jesus...and we want them to know about Him so they can go to heaven, and so that when they're here on the earth they can know how good He is...and how much He loves us..."
J: "Well, Kameron is with Jesus, right? And He can see Him now? Because we can't see Him, but Kameron can see him, soo, that's okay...So, if his Mama gets dead, then she can see him again, and then she can see Jesus, too...that's okay..."
Me: "But what about his Dad, then?? He would be sad...and we can't all just die...we have to wait until God decides that its time for us to die...so, because we know Jesus...while we're here in the world, we just want to make sure we tell people about Him...we never know who knows Him, and who doesn't...so, we want to make sure we tell people about Him so they can know how much He loves them."
J: "I know who loves Jesus...Jack loves Jesus...and all the other super spies in my Sunday School...they love Jesus. Well....maybe not the little kids....but I think all the other kids love Jesus."
Me: "Well...probably, but we never know, so we just want to make sure we tell people about Him, but we never want to make people feel bad, right? We just want them to know He loves them."
J: "Well...I told Levi about Jesus one time, when we were in our bedroom...'cause Levi doesn't know Jesus, does he?"
So, he crouches down by Levi and tells him...
"Levi...Jesus is a kind person. Do you know that? Do you know that He loves you, and He knows you?"
(This is a few minutes later now, because I wanted to write this conversation down so I wouldn't forget...I'm not an 'embellisher' and I also have a child who is not...he is quick to correct me if I tell a story about him and don't say 'verbatim' exactly as he said things...so I was just asking him what he told Levi about Jesus...because I'm now forgetting some of the details...so I say to him "Did you tell Levi that Jesus died for him? I can't remember if you said that?")
Jonah then yells out to Levi, who is now in the kitchen: "Levi!!! Levi -- did you know that Jesus died for you?? He did - He DIED for you, Levi! But He didn't stay dead...did you know that, Levi??? Did you??"
I'm quite certain I've forgotten a few of the details of our conversation this morning, but this is the detail I remember...and, the simplicity of Jesus, and life, and death even...to a 4 year old child...is a great reminder to me of the simple gospel message...and how, really...I should be telling people about Him...and the wonderful privelege and blessing it is to have a child to explain and teach to about Jesus...and how He becomes more and more real to ME, as I do...
Thursday, January 10, 2013
My son, the diplomat
Mom called me a few minutes ago to tell me a little story about Jonah from when she was babysitting him this morning.
Jonah is obsessed with the show, Phineas and Ferb. Seriously obsessed. We record alot of shows on PVR now, but its kind of complicated to find them unless you know how to read....and even though my Mom knows how to read...she is not skilled in technology...but this morning Jonah figured out how to find the show...
So they were watching...since Jonah's seen most of the episodes by now, its not surprising he had already seen this one, too...about the time machine. So, Jonah was explaining what was happening to Mom, so she wouldn't be confused about why Perry looked old, even though he wasn't old...and why sometimes he was young, and sometimes he was old. Typical time machine stuff. :)
So Mom says to Jonah, "Do you think I'm old, Jonah?"
He hesitates, and gets a look on his face that says he thinks she's old, but not quite sure if he should say so. So he thinks a minute, then says "Mammie. You're fine. You're fine just the way you are."
Jonah is obsessed with the show, Phineas and Ferb. Seriously obsessed. We record alot of shows on PVR now, but its kind of complicated to find them unless you know how to read....and even though my Mom knows how to read...she is not skilled in technology...but this morning Jonah figured out how to find the show...
So they were watching...since Jonah's seen most of the episodes by now, its not surprising he had already seen this one, too...about the time machine. So, Jonah was explaining what was happening to Mom, so she wouldn't be confused about why Perry looked old, even though he wasn't old...and why sometimes he was young, and sometimes he was old. Typical time machine stuff. :)
So Mom says to Jonah, "Do you think I'm old, Jonah?"
He hesitates, and gets a look on his face that says he thinks she's old, but not quite sure if he should say so. So he thinks a minute, then says "Mammie. You're fine. You're fine just the way you are."
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
My new friend, Ann
Ann Voskamp...I am beginning to understand why she has so many people who love her. What an inspiration. I am enjoying her book, and enjoying following her on facebook. Her quote today is:
"And life is only lived when it is given —so you have to get out of yourself, give of yourself and fall in love outside of yourself — and go into the world though you’re afraid and give though you don’t know how and whisper everywhere, whisper everywhere: wake up because the stone is rolled away and He is not a tame lion and listen, there it is — His lion heart beating everywhere." Ann Voskamp
I have felt so discouraged lately with church...we have been in such transition for almost 2 years now...probably longer, to be honest...we lost both of our pastors within a year and a half...leaving the 5 elders to 'clean up' and step up and...take the blame, really...for it seems like almost everything 'gone wrong' over the years...and my husband, being one of those 5 elders...well...its very discouraging, let's just say that, lest I gain a follower on this here blog I'm not expecting...I cannot be super transparent on this blog about too much beyond the basics of my daily life...but this quote was an encouragement/challenge to me...IT IS NOT ABOUT US!!!!!
Unless we can get outside ourselves...we will remain only selfish, only concerned with what WE want...and will threaten to walk away when we don't get our way...this is not the heart of Jesus...He truly wants us to think outside ourselves...giving of ourselves so He can be seen in us...
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Gifts
So...whatever...I didn't do the whole 30 days of Gifts thing in December. So what??
Here's to a new month!! A new year!!
Moving on...(or am I???)
I maybe just needed to read her book...so yesterday, I started reading One Thousand Gifts...and I will try to start recording gifts on a more regular basis. I may or may not share them on here. Its too much pressure!! haha. But...long before this book came out, I remember keeping a Blessing journal, back in the day...and its so good to 'choose' to see the gifts and blessings...for we really do have so many...and to be intentional about seeing them will certainly make a more grateful heart, I'm sure.
One quote I love so far from this book is:
For He really is...so good. Isn't He?
Every night (maybe we've missed a couple) - but most nights since Jonah was a newborn, we've sung "God is so good" before bed-time...and I still think about the simple words...and I know...He is good...He's sooo good to me. My prayer for those in my life right now who are a bit jaded in their opinion of God...is that they will see His goodness...and know His deep, deep love...its about HIM, after all...not about us, or how we 'ought' to be...if we see His goodness and experience His love...how can we not be changed?
Its the choosing to see part that holds us back, I guess. I need a healthy dose of perspective sometimes...and for me, in this stage of my life...its in choosing to count my blessings...and remembering how very blessed I am. For I am. Blessed, indeed.
Here's to a new month!! A new year!!
Moving on...(or am I???)
I maybe just needed to read her book...so yesterday, I started reading One Thousand Gifts...and I will try to start recording gifts on a more regular basis. I may or may not share them on here. Its too much pressure!! haha. But...long before this book came out, I remember keeping a Blessing journal, back in the day...and its so good to 'choose' to see the gifts and blessings...for we really do have so many...and to be intentional about seeing them will certainly make a more grateful heart, I'm sure.
One quote I love so far from this book is:
"The highest form of prayer is to the goodness of God...
God only desires that our soul cling to Him with all its strength,
in particular, that it clings to His goodness."
For He really is...so good. Isn't He?
Every night (maybe we've missed a couple) - but most nights since Jonah was a newborn, we've sung "God is so good" before bed-time...and I still think about the simple words...and I know...He is good...He's sooo good to me. My prayer for those in my life right now who are a bit jaded in their opinion of God...is that they will see His goodness...and know His deep, deep love...its about HIM, after all...not about us, or how we 'ought' to be...if we see His goodness and experience His love...how can we not be changed?
Its the choosing to see part that holds us back, I guess. I need a healthy dose of perspective sometimes...and for me, in this stage of my life...its in choosing to count my blessings...and remembering how very blessed I am. For I am. Blessed, indeed.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year
I think more than any other year so far, 2012 seems like it has come and gone like a whirlwind...I cannot believe how fast it went! What a year! I have a ONE YEAR OLD now...shouldn't he be, like, 4 months old or something?? How in the world is he already ONE????? Curse those first few (???) hormonal, sleepless, crazy months...they robbed me of precious time with a sweet tiny little baby. So of course I want another chance...and am terrified at the possible impossibility of it...so I will not let myself get caught up in THAT whole thing quite yet...
Because I have a great life...with an awesome husband, and two great little boys...and that's just for starters. I am not good at 'resolutions', per se...but I am choosing 2013 to be a more intentional year. In every area of my life, I need to be more intentional:
I love the start of a new year and the possibilities and the opportunity to 'start over' and make some changes...not limiting myself to figure it all out today...and not beating myself up for any failure to DO what I've set out to do...I should add the word 'grace' to the word 'intentional' for this year 2013...because they must go hand-in-hand, really...or I will fail, and give up altogether...
Because I have a great life...with an awesome husband, and two great little boys...and that's just for starters. I am not good at 'resolutions', per se...but I am choosing 2013 to be a more intentional year. In every area of my life, I need to be more intentional:
- My spiritual life...I need to be more aware of my need of Him in everything. In laziness in reading the Bible, praying intentionally, writing, singing - worshipping and living AWARE of Who He is...I am not giving Him all of me...I know I'm not. And I want to. I DO need Him...and I have, at least...2 little boys who are learning much of Who Jesus is...from ME...I want to be a more accurate reflection of Him...giving Him more of me...and being intentional about it...
- My marriage. We are going into our 10th year of marriage (on May 3rd!)...and we are very happy to just be together...we have a lot in common and are really, generally just very happy to be together...but we need to be more intentional about our time with each other, too. Not always...because sometimes we do need to just be, without expectations or agendas...but I think its important to make time to be on intentional dates, even if it is 'staying in', watching a show, playing a game, whatever...our marriage is important - and I'm not naive to think we are 'better than' or 'above' a failing marriage, when it seems to be a pretty common thing these days...I don't want to just 'get by'...I want us to be falling more in love with each other all the time...and being intentional about our conversation and time and sharing life with its responsibilities and hopes and dreams.
- My mothering. I have only 8 more months until Jonah goes to school. It is beyond me how I will do every day with him gone...I'm serious...that kid is such a part of my every-day...so...knowing how incredibly fast time goes...I want to be more intentional with my time and my mothering. I don't mean: being crafty, organizing outings, teaching him to read and learn his numbers...I do mean: being present...being more patient and understanding of who these boys are and what they need from me...loving them and teaching them and disciplining them...not knowing exactly what that looks like every single day...but being mindful of the hugely important role of being their Mama. and giving myself some grace in there, as well...
- Relationships. I am blessed with some amazing people in my life...and I want to be even more intentional about sharing life and investing time...and being willing to let others in...I have a tendency to sometimes convince myself I have 'all I need'...I know what it is to have true, deep, meaningful friendships...but I don't want to be a person who shuts others out, either...I want to be more loving and kind to people who may not 'yet' be in my inner circle...because I want to be intentional about showing love and investing care and goodness in people. I want to give more of what I have - even if that just means sharing my food, or my time, or my heart -- being willing to go out on a limb and share a piece of my heart and believing there could be some reciprocated care...I don't want to convince myself that people don't care...when I may just not be giving them a chance.
- My home. I need to get organized!! I need to purge...I need to make some to-do lists and not get overwhelmed with all that needs to be done...on top of just maintaining the laundry, dishes, groceries, general cleaning, meals, and caring for 2 little boys...I hate the clutter...I need to be willing to part with some things...
- My creativity - my heart - not getting too side-tracked with caring for others that I neglect those things that feed MY soul...making myself do things and be with people - or be by myself, with the intention of listening to my own heart...doing things that make me come alive...and not letting myself feel selfish or guilty for doing things purely for my own enjoyment once in awhile. I need to be writing more...music...journaling...devotions, prayers, verses...writing feeds my soul...and I need to do more of it.
- Reading. Not just the Bible...but books - silly novels, deep, thought-provoking novels, parenting books, health books, cook-books...what have you!!! I need to read...its good for me and I have not done near enough of it in the past few years...and I feel 'lacking' because of it. So...I will read more.
- My body. I need to be taking better care of my body. I need to eat healthier, be more intentional about making sure there is enough groceries in this house at all times so I am not always resorting to cereal or crackers for lunch...I need to snack less...and be more active. I need to lose weight and be more intentional about being active...I don't know how to 'diet' and make a plan that I will stick with...but I do know I need to do something about this.
I love the start of a new year and the possibilities and the opportunity to 'start over' and make some changes...not limiting myself to figure it all out today...and not beating myself up for any failure to DO what I've set out to do...I should add the word 'grace' to the word 'intentional' for this year 2013...because they must go hand-in-hand, really...or I will fail, and give up altogether...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)