38 Weeks

Another ultrasound, another appointment...still no baby. My doctor does say that they don't like to have people who have infertility to go too much past their due dates, so...I'm praying -- PRAYING!! -- that I will go into labour on my own, and be able to have a vaginal birth. If you think of it, I would love it if you'd pray for that too.

no peeks...

Had my ultrasound yesterday -- at 37 weeks...no peeks to find out the gender...though we both now sorta have a feeling its a girl...for no particular reason. we'll see if Jonah's been right all along.

And everything looks great -- she says she can't tell how big the baby is, unfortunately. I don't believe her, but...again -- I seem to be quite skeptical of our health professionals these days. Not a good thing when one is on the brink of labour. Not the 'brink', don't worry....but...it is coming!! Hopefully soon-ish. But not too soon.

Anyways. I'm quite excited to meet this babe...

The last few days...

...Jay took 2 days off to have a 4-day weekend so we could celebrate Thanksgiving...and it was so nice to not have TOO much on our agenda...besides being together, eating, decorating....fun stuff, ya know?! We had a wonderful Thanksgiving - and even though its not a 'holiday' here...it sure felt like one in the Paulino home! We had my family down for a HUGE delicious feast -- lazed around (as much as you can 'laze' around while you're preparing a huge meal!), watching the Macy's Day Parade...then did some Christmas decorating...and finished the evening with Erin, watching Miracle on 34th Street (the old one!) -- it was a lovely day!

We shopped a bit on Friday (and were VERY thankful it wasn't technically Black Friday here...though some stores were trying to be...) - busy enough for me and this preggo body...I can walk around for about 10 minutes and then I'm pretty well done-for. Oh my word. I hope I don't feel like this for the rest of my life. Side note. Sorry to complain.

We were supposed to go out with a bunch of friends for an Ugly Sweater party on Friday night, but...by 7:15, Jonah was pooped, and...so was I...so - me and Jay stayed home and watched Water for Elephants. Not bad.

Saturday night was our town's Santa Claus Parade...which is adorable. Even though it was freezing. And most of the snow we got on Wednesday was gone...but -- it was still sweet, and Jonah loved it. He missed his nap in the afternoon, 'cause he was so excited about the parade and hanging out with the family in the afternoon (Uncle Mike was home for the weekend!) - he fell asleep on the way home from the parade at 6:30...and woke up moments before we had him all changed and ready for bed, to remind me that I had told him he could have cereal before bed. Little monkey. But we had lots of time at the end of the day to hang out with the sibling, playing games, eating, and watching comedy TV! - our favorite things!

Anyways. We are already in the holiday spirit -- even Jay has INITIATED at least twice in the last few days to play Settlers....we've been playing games, and eating yummy food, and hanging out with the siblings...and enjoying our Christmas music...and are anticipating the arrival of this babe who is causing me such physical anxiety...

I am having ultrasounds the next few weeks at my Doctor's referral - as she thinks my belly is 'quite large' and wants to be sure everything is fine. I think its code for: "we want a reason for you to have a c-section because that is what you've made quite clear you don't want to have, but we are the doctors and we don't want it to interfere with OUR holiday plans." But. whatever. we shall see.

I still feel so unprepared and surreal about having a newborn in my life. But...getting very excited, too. I hope I can do this. Oh my word. My patience level is...very low these days, it seems. I hope I can be a good mother to two little ones.

Jonah is sooo great 95% of the time. Honestly - I'm not even just saying that. But the other 5% of the time...he drives me CRAZY. He is like me when I'm upset - gets very upset and flies off the handle...and is sensitive and apologetic about 5 minutes later, after he's gotten 'it out.' Fine. Just frustrating when I don't have the physical energy anymore to deal with it. But...he's so sweet, too. Always telling me lately that I'm his best friend, and I'm beautiful and he loves me. He's quite a little charmer. Its hard to imagine having another little one that I will love like I love this little boy. But I know I will. And he's so excited to have this baby...it will be so cool to see him with him/her...

Anyways. this entry is not to be poetic or interesting for you...I'm aware that's not my forte these days...but...its a means of recording my thoughts...and not having to search around for a journal and a pen...I don't have a comfortable enough spot to write...my belly is way to large at this point.

I have my ultrasound tomorrow morning - I'm anxious to see this babe...and though slightly tempted to 'peek' at the gender...I want it to remain a surprise. Only a few more weeks to go now!

Our first 'real' snowfall: Jonah was VERY excited to finally make snow angels!

Quite a fan of licking the beaters of the whip cream:

And our 3rd annual Santa Claus Parade adventure with Erin:

I feel...

...very, very uncomfortable. so much pressure and so very heavy. and I'm soooo tired of wearing the exact same pair of pants...every. single. day. I hate bending over, but yet I seem to be dropping everything lately. I feel the imminence of this baby, and the knowledge of how hugely different my life is about to become, but...all i can seem to do is THINK about it...I don't seem to be DOING much of anything to actually 'get ready' for this baby to arrive. except for growing this babe. I'm nervous about the sleep-deprivation, I'm nervous to not just have my one little boy all to myself anymore...I'm nervous about WHERE this baby will sleep and where we will store all of his/her things...and how we will work buying diapers into our budget again...and how we will afford our bills with my income being depleted. Yet...

...I'm reminded that in my anxiousness and discomfort and blah-ness...I can't wait to meet this baby...and I am realizing more and more as the days draw nearer to actually meeting this baby...what a tremendous gift this is...and how short of a time ago it was when I wondered if I would ever birth another child, whether Jonah would have any siblings, whether I would nurse another baby, if, indeed, God would listen and grant me the pleadings of my heart and soul...to have more children. What a gift. I pray for this child every day, as well as the one who is sleeping upstairs...and, though I'm not always aware...I have moments of acute awareness of how incredibly blessed I am...that I get to be a Mom. That I am living out the dream I have had since I was a little girl. I sometimes feel 'less-than' when people talk about dreams and hopes and aspirations that have something to do with success and education and prospering...because, really...my deepest heart's desire is to be a wife and mother...and the fact that I GET to do that...blows this little mind of mine sometimes. I wouldn't trade it for a lucrative job, for long hours working in an office, seeing my bank account grow...its absolutely not worth it to me. I laugh a little when people insinuate that it 'must be nice' to be able to afford for me to stay home...if they had any idea the cost...but...everything costs something, doesn't it?! We just have to weigh what is worth it...and the COST is most definetely worth it for me to be home, raising my own children. I am grateful I can do this. I am grateful my hubby has a job that he enjoys, though also not lucrative...he is making a difference in people's lives, and bringing joy to people who often are ignored or forgotten. I am grateful we have food on the table every single day...and grateful for a marriage that is still one based on love and friendship and faithfulness. I am grateful I have family and friends, near and far, who love me...that is a gift I hope I do not take for granted...

so...my body is weary. But my heart is happy. Right now, I am just reminded that I am blessed beyond my dreams, carrying my second baby in my humungous belly...and just weeks away from holding a newborn in my arms.

I feel happy.

Lately...

...I have been getting a ton of inspiration from pinterest...not that I'm actually following through on all my 'inspirations', but...my goodness...I WANT to. I aspire to be this super crafty, awesome cook, cleaner, housewife, artsy teaching Mom, super friend, amazing....everything...and...I am just not quite reaching my goals. But...I am realizing that I am harder on myself than anyone else is. chances are, if you're judging me...you're going to be disappointed no matter what I do...so...I need to just give up a little...be myself, and...remember that I am just...me. I can develop skills and learn new things and find new loves and inspirations, but...the core of who i am...is the core of who I am. Sometimes when I look at other people's blogs, though inspiring...I am left feeling envious, and disappointed in myself that I am not more like they are...but that's silly. I know this is true. I read my dear friend, Angie's blog yesterday...and found myself wishing I had the eloquence to write such a post, because it is truly how I feel. Hope you don't mind I put a link to your post, Ang. If I know you, though...you'll be honest with me and let me know. That's one of the things I love most about you, ya know: your honesty.

Anyways...read her post, and pretend its my post, because I don't have the energy to re-iterate what she wrote.

I really must go lie down while Jonah is still napping. I have 6 weeks, give or take (hopefully 'take') to go until this babe is in my arms, instead of sucking the life out of me from inside my belly...I'm anxious. nervous. excited. a little scared. worried about sleep-deprivation...sad about 'the three of us' no longer being just that...and a host of other things, but...really, the deepest part of me can't wait to see who this active little baby is...to put a name to him/her...and to have this child in my arms...

So...here is another stunning picture of yours truly. Enjoy. :)

And another, even more enjoyable picture, because...he's just so darn cute:

Halloween

We had so much fun trick-or-treating with Mr. Incredible tonight! What a fella -- he is at such a fun age, just so excited to do anything that is different...and he kept saying "How come I have soooo much candy? I don't have room for any more!"...Oh yes you do, Jonah -- believe me, you do!!

I wasn't allowed to go trick-or-treatin' when I was a kid...well -- I did once or twice, until Mom and Dad got convicted about it...swayed by their congregation's opinions, whatever...anyways...whatever the reasons...I think its quite fun, going to friends' houses, with our happy little boy who is eager to get a laugh and candy from anyone and everyone!

So fun! And I only stole one little chocolate bar from his stash. so far.

32 Weeks (and 2 months 'til Christmas!)

Its after 11:00 pm, and my fave show, Parenthood, is NOT on...so, I really must take advantage, and get my TIRED little self to bed, but...just thought I should post on the day that is 8 weeks until my due date...no belly pic tonight, though. This Mama's too tired. That's all. My baby, however...active little babes at night...just like big brother, Jonah. Big brother, Jonah...i can't believe that little guy is going to be a big brother very soon. He talks about the baby soooo much. He's gonna be such a great brother. I can't wait to see him love this baby in 'real' life.

'Night.