But.oh.my.stinkin.word.
I know he's not even 6 weeks old yet, but - does he really need to cry for so much of the day? because he's waaaay too over-tired? And does he really need to be nursed every time he needs to sleep? And does he really need to fall asleep within 5 minutes flat every time I nurse him? And fool me into thinking he's *really* asleep...when, indeed..he will be waking up in another 5 minutes, begging for more milk, only to fall asleep again and repeat the process? Good grief, child. Give your Mama a break, would ya?
I love him. I do. But, its very frustrating. The crying. That's what really gets me. I don't mind nursing him - though I'll admit, the tender boobs that are leaking milk every hour are getting on my nerves a little. Its the crying that sends me over the edge. And he's not crying all the time, but...when he does - the level of stress is just almost too much.
And then I feel guilty. Guilty that it bothers me. what do I expect from a newborn? And guilty that I express my frustrations in front of Jonah - only to have him try to convince me that "Levi's a good boy, Mama. We love him."
Oh dear.
Jonah is a rebuke to me. He rarely gets frustrated with Levi, and is showering this little bundle with kisses and kindness all day long. Seriously: all day long. And I can't stop thinking about how tired I am. And how I wish I could just escape my life. Only for an hour. But - the snow outside taunts me and reminds me that I really would rather stay cozy and warm...and frustrated in my little home rather than venture out into the icy cold winter with two little boys in tow.
I know this will pass. And I don't want to wish time away. But...I am just having one of those days.
Thank goodness my hubby is upstairs with the little babe right now, giving me a little break. A break to write and gripe about my sad state of affairs.
Suck it up buttercup.
This is just a season. I know that.
And he really is quite cute. Even if his darlin' little face is breaking out.
1 comment:
Oh, so adorable they both are!!!
Kristi, I love your rawness. Yes, it's only a season...BUT it is in fact one of the hardest!!! You are a good momma...don't forget it! Sleep deprevation + complete physical exhaustion + leaky, sore ta-tas = one emotional momma! :-) Babies are hard work, and those that put on face that they're not give a horrible false illusion! Thanks for your honesty and humility. It's all too easy for some of us to forget how hard being a momma can be. (And would you please encourage me in a few months when I'm ready to pull my hair out?!) I love Jonah's sweet example to you. In some ways those kiddos have it more together than us, don't they?! Sigh....so humbling. Praying for you and your little family tonight!
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