Healing and Spring

I am not in a real 'write-y' mood, but just turned on my laptop to sync my music to my ipad, and...well -- its on, so...why not write a quick little post?


I will say the 'year of depression', as Erin and I refer to...well -- more than just 'one' year of depression...is lifting.  I know it will likely return, as it seems to every other year or so! ha! its my thorn in the flesh...when I'm up, I'm up...when I'm not...I'm consumed with the crazy place of my mind...its awful. but -- I am finding my joy again these days...I have found myself in such deep anxiety over the past year and a half (at least!!) with church, relationships, parenting, etc...and I am delighted that God is giving me hope...He is restoring my soul...He is teaching me, and rebuking me and changing me...and offering me mercy when I stumble back into unhealthy thoughts and insecurities...He is using His Word, His people...His Spirit, music, sermons, books...Spring! and sunshine, and sweet snuggles from my babies, and tender loving and patience from my husband...and new relationships, and a heart that sometimes, not often enough...takes my focus off myself and looks at others, long enough to see that I have GOT to get my eyes off myself if I am ever going to have joy...because self-centredness is not going to make me a more loving or godly or patient or lovable, for that matter...person.  As I open myself up again to people, and do what brings me the greatest joy: connect with people...get to really know them...I am reminded of at least a part of who I am, that God has made me...and as I seek to encourage and know others, and not just see how I've been forgotten or rejected, or what I've lost...I see how He is restoring me...healing me...little by little. 


Was that just one big, long run-on sentence??? wow...


anyways. I don't generally go back and edit before I hit send...I'm not a 'writer'...I don't have a large 'audience'...I'm just writing...as fast as I can before my battery dies...so...I tend to write as I think...and am likely not grammatically correct. oops.


This puppy is at my feet, trying her hardest to get me to throw her toy to her...oh my soul.  Even when the kids are in bed, I am at the mercy of a little one. geesh.


So -- we are enjoying our new church.  I have been going to a ladies Bible Study for a couple months now, which is really nice - a pretty small group, and we are studying 'gifts'...so its interesting, and good for letting us get to know each other a little deeper, too...and they have made me feel so welcome, and just a real 'part' of the group. Its so nice to be with girls who talk about reading the Bible, and express love for the Lord, their husbands and kids and their church...not that our old church didn't have that...but a lot of things have been so messed up in the last couple years, especially...there wasn't a lot of encouraging going on...so, I am just feeling so encouraged and blessed and enjoying this group. And we have been talking to Jonah as openly as we could over the past number of months, regarding church...trying to keep up with his feelings and opinions.  He has been sad about losing our church...has had a lot of questions over the months about where everyone is....and we have been honest as we can be with a 5 year old...and I asked him the other day, again, if he still missed our old church...and he said he did a little, but he was happy at our new church and glad we were there.  (It helps that we had a family over for supper the night before and when we went to church on Easter Sunday, he was delighted to have '3 friends there now!' instead of just one!...) so. I am grateful for that too. 


Anyways...lots still swirling around this mind of mine (that won't change, happy or not!!) ha! but...my battery is dying, and the cord is hard to reach, and I will be mad if this all gets deleted. so...bye for now.