perspective

I've been thinking about perspective alot lately, and talking about it with people...yet: I just don't always HAVE it.

I am just so determined to make Jonah be obedient -- I try being patient, being consistent, disciplining creatively, taking things away, giving grace, punishing immediately, giving warnings, counting to 3, spanking, time-outs, taking away computer time, not giving treats, giving stickers, making charts, yelling, whispering...and I still just don't win!!!! not all the time, anyways.

But - what do I expect??? That I will 'master' this parenting gig in 4 years and have a 4 year old child who obeys every single time I ask him to??? Who do I think he is???

I am trying -- TRYING -- to be consistent, and to be gracious and loving, and firm...and trying to understand the heart of this little boy so I don't completely lose it every time he 'defies' me. Sometimes he does -- and sometimes...he is just being four...

Its hard. Spending 12+ hours every day with these littles who are so emotionally draining. I would NOT trade it for anything...not for a job or a windfall of cash...I wouldn't. But, its not easy. I am emotionally exhausted so many days. But determined to savour this time as well -- knowing his days with me are fleeting -- in less than a year he will be spending the majority of his days in school. away from me. And I have no doubt in my mind I will miss him and look back longingly on THESE days, wishing I had of savoured them even more.  And 90% of the time I do enjoy it. (it USED to be 95%!! haha) -- I love being their Mama, I love spending my days with them, I love being home and raising them, and seeing their little personalities develop...but I need some perspective sometimes, to make me realize how truly blessed I am.

I have two healthy boys. I read through statuses of friends going through such deep heart-ache watching their children being so sick...and THAT...gives me some perspective. I am struggling today to make Jonah stay in his bed for quiet-time/nap-time...but...perspective is: he's HERE, with me...in our home...and healthy as can be. Not in a hospital bed, being poked and prawded, fighting for his life.

Not to undermine the necessity of discipline, but...I need to keep my perspective healthy here, I guess...making the little things be little things...and not getting so worked up about things...while still somehow managing to be the one 'winning' the battles, not my 4 year old, calling the shots.

yikes. its not a job for the faint of heart. I look at Levi and his sweetness and how he isn't 'defying' me yet...and wonder how I could possibly get upset at this little babe.  But, I know its inevitable. And, I guess that's fine, too...its all part of the parenting gig I guess, isn't it?? Not all cuddles and cooes and snuggles and kisses all the time. But...thank goodness its there part of the time. Gives some redemption for disobedience....knowing these little people love us unconditionally, despite the behavior they have at times.

Parenthood is so hard to explain to someone who is not yet a parent. Me and Jay were such 'experts' on parenting....before we had kids. All the things we thought we'd 'never do' or be sure we would do...criticizing things we'd see in other families that we were certain would never happen in ours. WELL. That was naive and arrogant!!!

Anyways. Not really 'one of those days' here...just 'one of those moments'...and then I come downstairs in my fury...and turn on facebook....and its only a moment before I get a little perspective. So...I write about it. To remind me. Even though I know I'll forget again.