Thursday, August 29, 2013

too much to process...

I don't even know how to begin to write about:
  • a summer immersed in a Christian community at the place we began our married life together ten years ago...first time back in 8 years...'doing ministry'...uprooting my little family and plopping ourselves into a fish-bowl life...with two little boys in tow...and how different I feel at the end of it than I did in the beginning...or even half-way through, for that matter...
  • leaving our car in a junkyard in New York...getting 200 bucks for scrap metal...
  • coming home, and all the kindness and generosity we were shown from people having pity mercy on us...a friend who drove 30 hours in 2 days to rescue us and bring us home...
  • how home is awesome...but things are different...
    • my Dad is not well...and though I've never before dreaded getting old...I do now
    • my best friend moved away
    • my baby only has a few more days before he goes to kindergarten and life as we know it...changes again
    • my church...is still 'in transition'...and I have no idea where I fit...
  • I see people around me striving and seeking goals and ambitions...and I have no idea what mine are...within the four walls where I sit...or outside...I reprimand myself for my lack of discipline...and reprimand myself for feeling like I need it...I'm a mess.
  • I consider a paleo diet...yet can't seem to stop eating junk food
  • I bought a car that will fit a third child in the back seat, yet I wonder if that will be necessary...and am not quite ready to go down the road of 'trying' just yet...and wonder if I even have the patience for a third child...I'm barely hanging onto any smidgen of patience as it is, these days.
So. there ya have it. my first entry in quite some time.

Nice to get THAT down on paper...errrr....screen.

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