Discipline...for the Mama...

I grew up in a pretty disciplined home...going to a very conservative, traditional church with lots of rules and a school with even more rules...then, even when I had the choice...I chose to go to a Bible College with...even MORE rules...so...in all honesty, I've spent most of my life having someone else dictate to me the behaviors and lifestyles I must live by...So, the first taste of freedom...I don't remember when I first had that taste, but...let's just say the 'disciplines' in my life these days...are lacking. I am my own boss. Well -- my boys give me great competition there, but...really...I'm the boss. Interspersed throughout the day of looking after 2 little boys, and taking care of my home...I have nuggets of time that I am feeling lately that I should be excercising a little more structure and discipline into. Excercise is a good choice of words, because...I am sorely lacking in that department.

Throughout the last half of my pregnancy with Levi, I was so anxious for when I could begin being active again...determined to lose my pregnancy weight and then some...certain I would be healthier than ever, and surprise even myself with the gusto I was sure I would have.

Well - Levi's almost 6 months old. And I am, indeed, the chubbiest (I hate that word...but I hate 'fattest' even more) I have. ever. been. And I hate it. I hate how I have no energy and I feel so weak and when I think about how much weight I want to lose and how much work its gonna be...it feels so daunting...and so unnattainable...I find myself heading into the kitchen to rummage up something sweet to make myself feel better. Which it does. For about a minute, then I feel even worse.

So. Let it be said: I am going to get active. Whether that is following a dvd, walking with my newly-loved double stroller!, running around with Jonah...whatever it is...I need to try to work it in every day, whatever it is...I need to. I feel like my very life depends on it...I'm 35...my health is NOT going to improve on its own. So, my goal for now is not too lofty, but...I will be active for 20 intentional, uninterrupted minutes a day...

I'll have to give the food part of it some thought, 'cause I need to think about the easiest, most realistic approach right now...and budget-friendly, as well...but, I will try to be more conscious about the foods I am eating...and stop eating 'cause I'm bored or sad.

Speaking of THAT...I will try to be more intentional about what I do for 'me time'...its pretty limited in a day, but...I do have some, so...I will try to spend it reading more, talking to actual PEOPLE (instead of just using facebook and blogs to connect!), and maybe actually DO some of those great ideas I pin from Pinterest...

I will make my bed. Huge goals, I know!! But, Levi is still in our room, so...I don't spend much time in there, but...I truly hate going in there and having my bed a mess...but it also seems redundant to make it, just to 'unmake' it every night before I put Levi to bed so we don't make too much noise when we go to bed. But...I like my room so much better when my bed's made.

I also need to get that darling little boy into his brother's room. This is ridiculous. So...before he's 6 months old...that's the goal here.

Lastnight I didn't wake him up for his 11:00 feeding, and...though I heard him once or twice -- I didn't feed him 'til almost 7:00 this morning, and...even then he didn't seem to be absolutely starving, so...I am going to drop that feeding...which should help in my goal to move his bed into Jonah's room.

Healthy snacks. I have intentionally tried to not bake so much the last little while, though I LOVE baking...I will try to find healthier options than cookies and cakes...like the little granola bites I made this morning...still a little bit unhealthy, but not in comparison to the other things I so love to make.

Reading my Bible. I am ashamed to admit that I barely do this anymore for my own personal growth and enjoyment. But I miss it. I will try to be more intentional, without being religious about it...

Writing things down. I love making lists, but rarely do so anymore, because I feel like I have so much TIME, since I am home so often now without a car or anywhere to go...but...I still don't DO as much as I feel like I should do...so...I'm going to start writing things down. Jobs to do, things to buy, wish lists, people to call or write, menus, verses, books I wanna read...whatever. I am VISUAL...and I am hands-on...so...writing things is how I learn and do things the best...

I need some discipline in my life...I never thought I'd miss it, but I do. Though my boys dictate much of my day...I need to be more in control. Or rather, let HIM have more control. I've become lazy in more than one aspect of my life and I'm determined to see some changes.

So...for me...this is my first step: I've written it down. I will refer back to this. And if you notice it deleted someday...its because I've failed. So...write me and ask me about it! hahaha.